What’s Wrong with Woo
Water, water everywhere
I saw this on social media and at first I was impressed by the way this guy took a stupid question and made something seemingly deep out of it. But I was fooled. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is just woo-woo: What if water is God?
Here is my transcription of the audio:
Woman asks: What if water is God?
Man answers: Then that would mean that God is both in us and all around us. That God is both above and below us. Why a woman’s water breaks when we’re born, and why some religions observe the ritual of baptism. But if water was God, then that would mean that God has no gender, that God takes the shape of whatever container God appears in, which would explain why we have so many different belief systems. Which begs the question: What is the spiritual significance of poisoning the water in Flint, Michigan? Or the oil burning in the Gulf of Mexico? Or the large islands of garbage floating in the Pacific Ocean? If God was water, would that not mean that every natural place is holy? That every thunderstorm was a church without walls? That when the rain falls, it is an act of God’s death giving life? And when it evaporates again then it is a day of resurrection? And life itself was just a test of learning how to be and flow like water. How to give life to other people? And how to refresh their spirits and quench their thirsts with Your presence.
“Woo-woo” (often just “woo”) is a term some critics of supernatural claims apply to particularly egregious examples of poor thinking, sentimentality, and outlandish superstition, especially “spiritual” ideas associated with New Age “metaphysics.” It is a bit of rude term, to be fair. But to be fair, it is calling out something pernicious and harmful that masquerades as anodyne, pleasant, and good. People who are trying to fool us with bullshit deserve our disdain.
What we find in this case is a scrambling together of good ideas, good intentions, preconceived opinions, and absolutely insane metaphysics.
What he is saying is initially attractive. It says things many of us wish were true, expresses ideas we already agree with, or gives us a little serotonin bump from surprising (but really quite small) insights. He has a sophisticated yet down-to-earth presentation style that increases our feelings of his credibility. The piece has the illusion of depth, but it is really just a mishmash of old theological ideas, half conceived.
The gospel according to Woo, explained
“If water is God, then that would mean that God is both in us and all around us. That God is both above us and below us.” Pretty standard theism that doesn’t depend on God being water. Except: there is not much water in space — so, not much God in the universe? God’s not everywhere? Oops. Looks like the point here is just to confirm what people already believe without critically exploring the consequences very deeply. Good vibes only, as they say.
The water theology here is a bit like a limited pantheism. Instead of saying that everything is divine, the idea here is that water is divine, and water is (nearly) everywhere so God is (nearly) everywhere. The benefit of pantheism over this strange brew is that pantheists don’t have to come up with reasons why God is this substance rather than that one. Some woo artists dodge this by saying God is energy, but not, like, energy you can see or measure. It’s, like, everywhere, man, like the power cell of the soul! Woo-hoo!
The guy in the truck reacting to the video makes the viewer much more likely to have positive reactions to what is being said. Imagine watching the video with reactions from someone who is angrily skeptical.
“Why a woman’s water breaks when we’re born.” Well, it is “water” in some sense. It is mostly the baby’s urine, in fact, plus some nutrients, hormones, and antibodies.
“And why some religions observe the ritual of baptism.” This is just word association. Why would God being water mean that we should do baptism? We are mostly water already, taking a bath doesn’t get us more God. The metaphor of baptism is the washing away of original sin, not dunking in the divine being for extra holiness.
“God has no gender” — currently politically fashionable, so it sounds good.
“God takes the shape of whatever container God appears in” — what does that mean? How is this better than “God is everything” or “God is a non-corporeal being that is everywhere”?
“That explains why we have so many belief systems” — Does it? How? If the claim is that God appears in different guises to different people or different traditions, that’s fairly obvious since different people and traditions see God differently. But God isn’t water in those other traditions. The idea of God being water would itself be one of those other belief systems — maybe that one exists because God takes the shape of whatever container it appears in and isn’t water but appears as water to the water spiritualists. Or maybe humans just have a tendency to mythologize. In other words, the diversity of religions is not explained by and does not explain “God is water.” Plus, as David Hume argues, the existence of incompatible contrary religions is evidence against any of them being true, not evidence for all of them being “true” in some sense.
The next parts, about Flint’s water supply, the Gulf Oil Disaster, and the Great Garbage Patch, are things we do or should already care about. Implying that these events are affronts to God or are especially bad because they involve God/water is beside the point: These things are already bad. If there is a God, these things are an affront to God whether God is water or not.
Note that almost the whole thing is expressed in questions rather than assertions. That makes the audience more active in constructing the claims for themselves. It makes us more inclined toward the implied claims. That might motivate some people to care or to act. But really, those were things we should already care about. And none of this gives us reason to think water is God. The next section demonstrates this clearly.
What if shit is God?
Then that would mean that God is both in us and all around us. That God is both above (like bird shit) and below us. Why often a woman shits when we’re born, and why some religions observe ritual avoidance of the unclean. But if shit was God, then that would mean that God has no gender, that God takes the shape of whatever container God appears in, which would explain why we have so many different belief systems. They are all shit. Which begs the question: What is the spiritual significance of poisoning the sewage system in Flint, Michigan? Or the dumping of sewage in the Gulf of Mexico? Or the large islands of sewage floating in Rio De Janiero’s harbor? If God was shit, would that not mean that every natural place is holy, because there is shit everywhere? That every toilet flush is a prayer? That when someone shits, it is an act of God’s death giving life (when the shit transubstantiates into fertilizer)? And when the food grows, gets eaten, then turns into shit again, it is a day of resurrection? And life itself was just a test of learning how to be and flow like shit. How to give shit to other people? And how to refresh their spirits and relieve their bowels with Your presence.
Woo-eee. Give me a break.
