How To Move On From Your Past
There’s a theme that we all face in this lifetime, and that theme is struggling to move past something that has already happened. Some of us can get into the habit of replaying past memories throughout our life. That’s honestly a beautiful thing that we can do.
However, some of us do this in a way that is extremely unhealthy and it goes on to negatively affect every area of our life. Some of the most common methods people use to try and cope with their past aren’t actually effective solutions.
Ineffective “Solutions”
Have you ever tried forgetting? Distracting yourself? Drugs? Alcohol? Pretending like it’s not there? Staying quiet about the event and not wanting to ever talk about it because it will make you upset? Putting on a cold exterior and being “strong” by never showing your emotions? Yeah, none of those methods will heed the healing you seek.
The key to proper healing is to change the scope at which you perceive a past event.
When people look to the past and are unhappy with how something went, and they don’t let go of the results of how that event turned out, that’s when you create self-sabotage.
The fact of the matter is and we all know this, is you can’t change the past. So what do you do? I’m going to lay out a list of clear-cut actions you can take to move on from the past.
Step 1 — Acknowledgement
— Reversal Stage —
Nothing can be solved if you are not aware of the problem at hand. If you are aware and you deny that it is a problem, you can never find a solution because you are convinced that “nothing’s wrong”.
Some people also try to forget certain memories. That’s silly and not possible without incurring physical damage to a very specific part of your brain, and in doing so that will affect who you are today.
If you have the guts to change and you want to empower yourself, acknowledge the memory and whatever emotions come flowing through you. Don’t hold back your emotions, let them flow as they should.
Step 2 — Acceptance
— Reversal Stage —
If you deny a certain part of your life, you will never fully heal and become the person you have the potential to be. It takes humility to accept a painful memory or an embarrassing one.
Whether you view something as a mistake, or you could have done better, or it’s your fault, or someone hurt you and now you have resentment because you feel like you deserve better. It doesn’t matter.
Running In Circles
I like to call this, the trap of the “what ifs”. You can play this game your whole life and never find the answer. It’s exhausting and not a smart way to use your time. The more you play this game, the more you will damage your relationship with others and yourself.
You can’t wish it away, you can’t change it, and you can’t undo what’s been done. Just because you choose not to accept the past, will not change the fact that it has already happened.
Accepting something for what it is, means to surrender control over what you thought it should have been. In doing so, you are granted freedom and mental clarity.
There is NOTHING you can do today to change the outcome of yesterday. I keep repeating that because I want you to understand that truth. So let’s accept our past and move on to the next stage.
Step 3 — Forgiveness
— Reversal Stage —
Being able to forgive people in our past is vital to letting go of the poison that we hold onto every day. One of my favorite things I learned how to do was, “accept the apology you never got”. This is the last step in finding the peace that you desperately want.
Along with being able to forgive others, you will never truly find peace until you have forgiven yourself. When you tell yourself that you are worthy of peace. It will come to you.
My personal practice of forgiving when needed is me using perspective & understanding to see that everyone goes through a war and I just happen to get caught in the battle.
That’s just life and I’m not going to be angry at you for not keeping me out of harm’s way. It’s not someone else’s job to protect me. It’s my job to protect me. No one is perfect, and that’s okay.
Step 4 — Time, Persistence & Patience
— Reversal Stage —
The things we talked about in steps 1, 2, and 3 have to be practiced constantly until they become your genuine truth. Give it time. The combination of those three things is how you “reverse” and undo the pain of the past.
Recap of Steps 1 to 3
1 — You acknowledge hurtful memories and allow your emotions to pass through you instead of suppressing them.
2 — You are accepting the past for what it is by removing your ego and personal identity from those memories.
3 — You are choosing to let go of traumatic events by using forgiveness and in exchange, you find peace.
Peace — You Leveled Up
— Recovery Stage —
After reaching this space, you will feel different. At this point, your past no longer hurts. The work that you’ve put in to heal is done.
If you would like to take things up a notch you can move past recovery and into empowerment. Althought technically you have already empowered yourself, this next step can take it to another level.
Tune in next week to learn about the next stage(s)
I’ve never done a part two of something before, so this is new lol.
Closing Thoughts & Updates
I started writing this back in July when I was on vacation but with the intent of releasing it then, but better late than never haha. I also found that I kept nothing from what I had originally written.
I also naturally ended up narrowing the subject focus on memories instead of trying to hit things like a job, a team, or a relationship. I’m sure I’ll speak about those things in the future.
I genuinely hope this helped.
Keep scrolling for news & updates. I also always leave a final message at the bottom :)
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