The 5 Major Keys to Confidence
You don’t know how to talk to girls? I got chu. You’re afraid of heights? I got chu. You suck at life? Me too sometimes, I got chu. You feel like you don’t belong anywhere? I got chu. You don’t know how to say no? I got chu. You feel empty inside? Eat.
^ err cringey. Idk why I wrote that & why I even decided to keep it.
The 5 Pillars of Confidence
1.) Courage
2.) Resilience (Get Comfy With Failure)
3.) Competence (Humility & Repetition)
4.) Belonging (Security)
5.) Self-Awareness
Major Key #1: Courage
When you feel that terrifying feeling of panic or anxiety let me tell you a secret, that feeling is neither of those things.
That is your body giving you the adrenaline rush you need to face your fears.
When you receive this adrenaline rush you have a responsibility to make a choice. Your survival instincts are triggered; fight or flight. You need the boost of energy in order to survive life or death situations. I don’t consider social situations life or death but I empathize.
I understand it can be terrifying to talk to your crush, a potential boss, someone you look up to, or someone you idolize.
We fear judgment because we want a feeling of acceptance.
We want to fit into other people’s perception of awesome. (Major Key #4)
In social situations especially if you identify as shy, I promise you, you will survive the interaction. Take it from someone who had very low social skills from 12–20 years old.
Knowing that you most likely will survive the interaction, that should eliminate the one thing we fear most, DEATH. So now that you know you’re highly unlikely to die, I need you to go for it. Don’t think about it.
Courage is about facing something head-on even when you don’t feel prepared.
This also applies to things like performing on stage, filming yourself, doing parkour or being vulnerable with someone. It’s all worth doing and it’s THE FASTEST way to build confidence. I’d go as far as to say it’s the foundation to achieve confidence.
Major Key #2: Resilience
The only way you can practice resilience is by failing. Most people have an unhealthy relationship with failure. It’s funny because failure literally shows you what you need to work on.
Bring your ego down a notch and deploy humility.
Don’t be ashamed to suck at things, failing is so fun and a great learning experience. Each time you fail, it becomes less and less scary and you learn to love it. Once you have the courage to fail, it’s a wrap.
In this wise words of Big Sean,
“Last night I took an L but tonight I bounce back”.
Resilience my friend.
Major Key #3: Competence
If you’re not good at anything, it will be difficult to feel confident. Before you can become good at anything like I talked about in “Major Key #2”, you have to be willing to suck.
“Dude, sucking at something is the first step to sorta being good at something.” — Jake from Adventure Time
While trying to develop a new skill it’s the perfect time for you to practice patience. When you are patient with yourself, you become more tolerant of your ‘mistakes’. Patience also helps counter anxiety, you’re welcome ;)
**Super Tip: Don’t compare yourself to others. If you do you will either:
A.) Never start
B.) Damage your self-esteem
C.) Always feel like you’re in a rush because you have to be better NOW
Don’t dismiss interpersonal skills either. If you’re a good listener, thinker, or see yourself as personable, comforting or trustworthy. Those are all valid skills that you can take pride in and continue to practice. EMBRACE YO SELF.
So please explore different things and invest in the things that you like. Then practice practice practice. Go get that competence. Competence gives you confidence!
Major Key #4: Belonging
When we feel like we belong somewhere we feel safe. Safety is something that we all crave. Anything that feels like home to us, we will always find ourselves coming back to, especially when things get rough.
When you feel safe you are more willing to be vulnerable in that space. Beautiful things happen for you when you are able to be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable and opening your mind up to learn during this process can result in extreme growth. Why? Because being vulnerable is risky. The reward for embracing that moment of vulnerability is insanely high.
That will then expand your safe space. Competence grants you the same thing. The more competence you gain in different areas of your life, you will start to feel a sense of balance in yourself.
If you don’t feel a sense of belonging, it’s hard to stay grounded.
Being grounded is extremely important if you want to avoid anxiety, confusion or emptiness.
Many people struggle with this because they are always trying to please others.
You need to stop living by someone else’s rules if you want a shot at confidence and happiness.
Once you are able to deploy courage, resilience and competence towards your interests or your ‘callings’, you will find comfort in the places that you once feared. That is how you gain confidence.
Major Key #5 Self-Awareness
There is nothing more empowering in life than knowing who you are and embracing yourself.
When you are able to shut out everyone else’s voices and opinions, things get real.
If you are someone who can’t say no to people you care about, or think you care about, then I’m talking to you. So what happens when you finally decide to let go? First, you’ll get sad and have attachment issues because you don’t want to ‘let anyone down’ or let anyone go.
Then you may experience a level of guilt after deciding to tell the people you care about, “NO”. When you decide to walk away from your commitments you’ll feel like a horrible person.
But let me tell you how you’re going to get through this detachment process, patience. I need you to trust the process and to follow your gut and not your guilt. Give yourself time to accept and embrace your new reality.
Once the chemicals in your body simmer down and you continue to stay true to your gut feelings, things will get quiet.
In that silence, you will find the clarity you have been longing for your whole life.
Your intuition will guide you and warn you throughout your whole journey. When you are in sync with your intuition you experience bliss. When you ignore the warnings, you quickly become imbalanced.
Learn to trust your gut, it will serve you well. When you become aware of who you are and you are accepting of it, confidence just radiates through your entire being.
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Shall we connect?
I put the 5 Major Keys in an order that I felt made sense. I have faith you will go on to live your best life. I genuinely hope this helped you in some way.
If it did, leave a comment and let me know how. I’d love to know what you are thinking/ feeling. ‘Clap’ to let me know that you liked it :)
I’m here to talk if you need me ❤ - Voice & Text via Discord
Impact & How We All Play a Part
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Updates & Info
- I’ll be launching my podcast in May and I’m super stoked for it.
- Unstable Unicorns Tournament Vol 3. Date coming soon.
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Please have a good day and get that confidence! Much thanks & much love❤
