
Please forgive me that I can never seem to let go
I am still learning to balance those things which represent my life as it was
with my life as it is now
I know that I am queen of dramatics
prone to tears
prone to “spells”
prone to always feeling way too much
I know that I should give it a rest
I know that things are okay
that they will be okay
that I am physically fine
I know
I am trying
I swear
Please forgive that even though I have so much to be thankful for
to be happy for
that I am still sometimes too sad to notice much of it
And not for any particular reason
I do not cling to my pain in hopes of being fixed or being saved
I am just…
stuck
In some ways, it feels as though I have always been
stuck
I am not always unhappy
I am not always so glaringly
obviously
painfully
redundant and boring
but for when I am..
I ask your patience
I am learning
still
to put things behind me
to glance back at them only when they give me good reason to
to use them to improve and shape the future I am still fighting for
because I am still fighting
I haven’t given up
I am not a lost cause
I am not a damaged shell
I am whole…
it is just that
sometimes it is easier to carry the familiar parts of myself
than to nurture the emerging parts of myself
because I do not know them
and I am still so uncomfortable around strangers
