Opportunities will be missed
Wanting someone for their mind and body, is a desire much stronger than wanting a something. A brand new shiny car, access to see your favorite bands, or a promotion you’ve worked on for eons; none of these compare to that dirty feeling that rests deep within your stomach. The feeling which pops out and makes you act like an idiot everytime you see that person. It’s so fucking stupid because had you not felt this way, you might have had been great friends by now.
Clearly, there are two types of people. Or as I only have experience on side of this, two types of females. The female which is excellent in luring men into her web of charm, seduction and physical excellence; and the other, a clumsy, pathetic heap of what-nots, confused about what to say or how to act. Be careful as the former may diguise herself as the latter, posing as a sweet naive flower, when instead her strings are stronger than horses’ hair.
In any case, it’s difficult to see us like this. Or mostly me like this. I suffer and hurt over that I have, and will have, zero oppurtunites to show you who I am and how exciting being with me can be. This might sound selfish, but I stricly believe this so. My only impediment is that shy barrier of rejection that I am so terrified to cross, along with one of you having a girlfriend.
Along with this, it also makes me sad to realise that our relationship will never exist, whatever we could have done together, whatever wonderful, beautiful things they could have been, would never come to exist. They would never take a physical form because I am too scared to act upon my feelings and you have not yet realised them, or tragically, you never will.
Is it because of my looks? Because recently I have been gaining more and more confidence in my appearance, so I do not think I am lacking. I do agree I need to lose some weight, however it is not an urgent manner. My personality on the other hand, lacks many essential factors that make a girl attractive. Wittyness, as my friend displayed so flambously the night before, I was in awe and shock as to how quickly and readily she spurt passion and humour into the conversation. Intrigue, as my friend displayed jsut this night to a clearly timid conversation with a boy i would never be able to uphold. Kindness, as my friends displayed to beautiful strangers when they were in trouble, to extents to which I arrived far too late.
Honestly, I think I’m just stupid and useless and irrelevant. But I want you so much I wish I could just blurt it out and you’d also want me too. I can see that’s not the case, so maybe I’ll just get used to being alone. Stop the pity party, it’s pathetic.
