Save me from myself
I wanted to write about distress calls since a long time because it’s really sad to see grown-ups and presumably mature people completely clueless about actions of their close ones. They pretend as if everything was alright and what happened was a mishap hence giving it image of an impulsive decision by a hormonal teenager who was rejected or dumped by gf/bf. This really undermines a person’s long history of depression and struggle with different issues. They try to solve it by getting said person some sort of gift and similar remedies. This article does not intend to doubt love and care of family or parents but the goal is to point out the flaws and wrong approaches. Your love for someone can make blind spots around their issues and vulnerabilities. For instance people in conservative environment don’t even allow their kids to ask about such issues, the word suicide or depression is treated as a contagious disease which can fall on them for the sole reason of being discussed on their dinner table or bedroom. I have seen people who do not offer psychological support or treatment for the only reason that they think it undermines their efforts as parents. They don’t want their bubble of perfect parenthood blow in their face, they think if their kids are victims of depression or any similar issue, it’s because they are not man enough, or somehow they are mentally disabled. The point here is that you can’t avoid a tornado if you look the other way, the only good you will get is that you won’t be scared to the moment when it blows you into the barbed wire fence or that high tension wire, in complete astonishment. Remember that you can’t avoid things just because you look the other way, no one wants to face scary things but they won’t go away if you don’t face them. So one fine morning when you wake up and see your son/brother/daughter dead in their bed, you can’t absorb it, the reality is surrounded by landmines. Each of them blowing in your face when you start thinking about the distress calls, you missed so many signs but after a while you reach the truth but its covered in barbed wire, how are you going to embrace it? You let your person down, they felt so alone in the world that they decided to finish their own existence. The person you failed to embrace because there was stain on their dress, there was dust on their cloths and now you have a person dead in the room, breathless but cold like a stone in the snow.
Coming back to the distress calls, now as we all know that suicide attempts are not events of impulsive decisions. It’s a long processed and anticipated situation in a perpetual state of hopelessness. In my case it took three years before I actually did something, you never want to end your life it’s the hopelessness in life and meaninglessness of existence which kills you. You must have heard people saying
“I didn’t realize he would actually do it”
“I didn’t know she was serious”
“I thought she said it for attention”
“He is always like that so we couldn’t really say”
All true, it’s difficult to figure out if someone is trying to commit suicide but this is the whole point, the said person will always try to keep it secret but they slip at least 2–3 times. I did too but I really didn’t mean to but this is subconscious call for help, the basic instinct for survival, your mind wants to seize existence but the dark side of subconscious is screaming, it’s trying to survive. This is where you look for the distress call and be attentive when someone is not okay. There is this misconception among people that a person is lonely and secluded because he can’t make friends or they don’t have friends but it’s not the case, a person feels alone and secluded because he can’t communicate with people on the level of their comfort, it’s difficult for them to convey their message so they decide otherwise to avoid the trouble of being judged, criticized for what they think or perceive, off course nobody would want to be called a sissy cunt who can’t cope with life. Now here is the trick for when you see a distress sign, you offer help, you offer support. Unsolicited advice is the last thing a person will need from you if they have decided to give up on life, all you need to offer is support, listen to what they say. Figure out where they need help and support, don’t judge them. If you see or hear ugly things, don’t freak out. We all have ugly past, we did stupid things, we did ugly things but think, is it more important for you to judge a person and correct them instead of saving their life? Is it more important to be socially appropriate then to save someone’s life? Is it more important for you to save your daughter than to shame her for the asshole who was able to fool her? There is time to make things right but not now, now is the time to save a life, now is the time to save someone from painting walls with their blood and brain in your house. It’s time to decide if you want to embrace the reality or wake up to a bloody bathtub or a stiff body hanging from the fan.