Being Fierce and Fabulous with Nothing to Show For it
My name is Vie. I’m a singer, dancer, choreographer, actress, yogi and yoga instructor. There isn’t much that I can’t do — I’m a serious force of nature. My resume is epic, it checks all the boxes that add up to the fierce and fabulous artist that I am. Somehow in pursuing everything that I love, I barely have anything to show for it!
The Back Story | Real Talk
Over the past five years I’ve been living in Minneapolis, Minnesota (for more information on my career before that please read my bio by clicking HERE). I moved here to dance with the acclaimed TU Dance company (yes, it was my 9-to-5!). After two years of dancing with them I parted ways with the company and began my career as a freelance artist.
What does that mean?
First, I struggled like crazy. I worked odd hours at a coffee shop and instructed at five different yoga studios across town. Eventually, I started getting contracts to teach dance, choreograph, act and sing at nationally recognized institutions. I was officially the freelance artist I’d aspired to be.
My time in Minnesota has been extremely dark, lonely and bittersweet. I’ve spent a lot of time alone hibernating; refining and cultivating my creativity and vacillating between waves of depression and sadness, frustration and strong confidence, sure-footedness, acceptance, waiting and rich pride. But honestly, rarely joy. I also made some of the saddest art I have ever made there.
I dove into my own depths and found threads that wove into the collective history of African American Women artists. Many of whom I have loved with my whole heart. Melancholy and pride underpinned my work in the Twin Cities. As I look back, my time was defined by pursuing epic, failing collaborations with regard to music and video projects. There were also lots of shows. Some very successful, others semi successful and some that I produced failed altogether.
Perpetual Heartbreak | The Haze
I’ve been living in a sort of haze for the past…
*Pause. Feel the huge wave of emotions that wash over me. The tears that bubble up and well in my eyes. Pause. Breathe. Reset.*
…three years of my life.
Three years ago, I began the grueling and emotional process of what would become my debut EP, SWOON. I began working with a producer I met through a dear friend of mine. To be frank, this part of the story isn’t much different than that of most musical artists. I got linked with a producer who wanted to also manage me. We worked together for about a year.
Signing contracts became a painstaking process. I was reviewing documents, heeding my attorney’s advice, re-reviewing, re-re-reviewing and asking many questions of my potential producer/manager to become comfortable with what was on paper. I determined that the relationship was not going to work for me. He did not agree so we ceased working together.
I was left with the songs I wrote and no recordings of them. He held onto the masters (once again, such a classic story for most musicians) and had no intention of sharing them with me — due primarily to the fact that his understanding of the laws and rights around music were in opposition to what my attorney said. I was inclined to listen to my lawyer and, instead of fighting about it, I decided to move on and leave those recordings behind.
At this point, I began to feel like I was under water.
I struck out on my own to reproduce the music. My music. I didn’t know it at the time, but it would take me two more years of disappointment and emotional frustration to bring the project to fruition. I own that. I don’t know what artist has had an easy time bringing any creative endeavor to life — It’s a birthing process. I decided to focus on four songs instead of all 11 of the original songs I’d already recorded.
Producer after producer agreed to help me reproduce my songs. Producer after producer fell off the face of the planet. I invested my time. I showed up to the studio even when some of them did not. Time after time I ended up with none of what I recorded and they disappeared into the wind. I was tortured by the question, Why?
Silenced | Swimming in Honey
I can’t really express in words how the experience felt. I poured every ounce of energy, excitement, hope and passion that I had into the mic. I would go to the studio to craft a perfect moment through sound! I would get started on a song and feel a sense of relief that someone else cared about my project, about me and about working with me. The idea that someone felt a sense of value in collaborating with me — and to feel the power of the fruit of our collaboration — only to have that person cease all communication and disappear.
Over and over again this happened. Over and over. They seemed like ghosts walking and I felt invisible; nonexistent to the permanent world. My art was elusive and fictional somehow. My chest burned scorching hot with every deep breath I took. Tears of frustration began to flow when I realized these people wouldn’t answer my calls anymore. Or at least return any of my calls or texts or emails. It was a cold, dark place when I realized that they had my voice — my recorded sonic truth — and had no intention of sending it to me to empower me to move on without them. Hell, they had no intention of even using it for themselves!
Faux Nice | Cold People, Just Like the Weather
Minnesota.
It’s a very unique place and an impossible dichotomy in which to live. I have had some support, love and sweet admiration in Minneapolis. I even received grant funding, too (haleilujah!). But in some ways I have felt that my presence has been novel to the community. I have received love, respect and support in some ways during my time here, but the honest truth is that I haven’t received enough support to continue making the kind of work that I do in the capacity that I am striving for.
Anyone else out there ever felt like that about the community they live in?
The Twin Cities have refined my work and some of my tools in many ways. They have also dulled so much of me at the same time. It took so much out of me to do everything I did there. It made me angry several months ago when I made a more explicit request for help and folks told me they thought I had an entire team helping me run my business.
Like, what?! NO!
No one can do anything alone, but I definitely sail this ship by my lonesome. Advertising, flyer printing and distribution, event planning, coordinating musicians for rehearsals, musical direction, email blasts, social media coordination (y’all know I loathe social media)…
Surprise! This is what all the independent artists you love spend their time doing.
I got better by asking for more specific help for my last production, but it was always a struggle asking for help while living there. Sometimes I was met with open arms and sometimes those open arms came with folks talking behind my back about how I’d used them. When that gossip would get back to me I’d wonder: Why didn’t you just say no? Do you not realize that if I’ve asked you for help that means you can ask me for help too?
Truth be told, Minnesota is so insular that it DOESN’T EVEN KNOW IT. Ha! If you don’t have family in the city you are alone. Unless, of course, you’ve spent about 15 years there. There is so much more I can say about my experience there and I will, don’t worry. But for now, let’s stay on track.
Being done with my lackluster, sad and lonely experience; my skillful art-making and laundry list of amazing opportunities in Minnesota are part of what makes this moment in my life so pivotal.
I want MORE.
I am done waiting for my turn. Done waiting for people to care about the art I make and the events and experiences I cultivate. I am done watching people co-opt my ideas and concepts without even inviting me to be a part of them. I’m done quietly planning and coordinating alone because folks generally don’t care much about what I do. They are down to consume it when it is present, but indifferent to its actual presence. And that I cannot reconcile. So, I must move on.
To be Global or not to be Global? | My Mind Was Made Up Before I Wrote That…
I am moving toward a global lifestyle because I am a global citizen. Yep, I’m a Black American Woman and I belong all over the world. Paris is my gateway to the world. Southfield and Detroit, Michigan hold my roots. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania holds my heart. Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota have my utmost respect and appreciation. But to be frank, I’ve never truly felt at home in any one place.
I often refer to myself as “intergalactic” in my music and my poetry. I have even said that I feel like more of a global citizen. And so, from the cities in which I’ve grown and evolved, I enact my vision to embark on the world. Josephine Baker whispered to me through her life, her autobiography and her legacy to come to Paris. Black girl from America with limitless skills and creativity went to Paris and embarked on the world. It wasn’t until I got here that I realized the city itself isn’t the only reason to be here: it’s the people. In just five days I met a person from every continent on the planet. When that happened I finally got it.
If I too am to embark on the world, this is where I will meet the world.
I have so much to say. If you know me, you already know this. If you don’t know me, this is the beginning of what I hope will be a beautiful relationship of sharing, evolving and growing between us. Yep, I’d love to hear your feedback!
If I have learned anything at all from the Black women artists who inspire me — Josephine Baker, Sarah Vaughan, Nina Simone, Eartha Kitt, Hazel Scott, Erykah Badu, Janelle Monae and more — it is to state my truth. That is something I have done infrequently in the past five years. Speaking truth made their identities clear in the world.
When I was fresh out of college I shared any- and everything about my life and my experience. There was nothing in the world that could make me be more selective about how I shared my energy. Moving to Minnesota forced me to get selective, strategic, specific and intentional about exactly how I shared my energy in the world. What a gift. And lucky for you! I hope you are ready.
I am about to begin sharing the concepts behind my ethos and I hope that my frame of mind can shed light and inspire conversation. Yes, I am fierce and fabulous! Now begins a new chapter of my sharing my voice to create a sense of permanence for my essence in the world. I’m going to enjoy the ride. I hope to take each of you with me.
