Something About Confidence

Confidence is the courage and belief in self. People probably notice, suspect, or assume our levels of confidence and go on to relate with us accordingly. Yet, I believe it is much an internal factor, a design within which orchestrates our outward characters and attitude. Confidence is the opposite of doubt. Not in a way it totally eradicates doubt but acts in spite of it. Just like fear, it is something with a negative connotation and yet it is part and parcel of our lives. It only takes the confident to acknowledge and overcome or spin it to work to an advantage. Recently, I had my brother depict how slouching my shoulders were when I walk, how I drag my feet, how restricted and narrow my eyes were, how my voice was not as strong as it used to be. He said my confidence was low. I didn’t argue. I imagined what he said and compared it with the former version of myself that walked with chest pumped, shoulders raised, and didn’t drag my feet. A lot of things contributed to the change but then again I look at my present situation and what I had experienced recently, what am doing about it and how best I am coping. I didn’t say what affected my confidence, the things I had to deal with if I had maybe he would have given me some credit. But that’s another point, what he mentioned was true although after lots of considerations I can say it isn’t that bad. Matter of fact, in some sections about my life my confidence multiplied as a natural pushback to certain obstacles. I countered although silently with a personal notion that there must be something about confidence.

One thing I can say is that Confidence when developed has a lasting effect. It is not easily tarnished. I can also say it is not easily cultivated coming from a place of low self esteem. In as much as I had reasons to justify the changes he noticed, I knew I was solid in the things that mattered most to me. I believe my reaction to certain predicaments wasn’t all that bad. The level of confidence I had left is the type built on self-worth, belief in my dreams and aspirations, insistence on the importance of my voice being heard, and a resilient insistence on hope for the better. This remaining confidence after I hit a certain wall is more like a personal clutch. It has no pretence in it but indeed helps my process of bouncing back stronger. It has become second nature and from it grows something much more beautiful which I can already feel. Just as it diminished, staying true to who I am, doing the little things that means nothing to the next person but everything to me has helped to gradually increase my level of confidence.

I don’t know if people are born confident. I guess we acquire that as we grow. Our backgrounds and influences as kids matter a lot. The school we attended and the teachers. Our peers and the type of environment generally. Thinking back, growing up, I was picked on a lot and that hampered my confidence. I was called names which made me good at calling people names too or assuming different personas as that time to hide my hurt. My belief in self and people was at an all-time low. I had a slanted view about the society generally that made me withdrawn. Text book introvert. Moving a lot helped that jaded feeling although it also helped my confidence because of many things I grasped that could only be attested to exposure. What helped was a certain brilliance noticed by my teachers and supported by my mom who was also a teacher. She pushed me to limits I didn’t know existed and that formed the bedrock I needed. Conquering stage fright, debates, giving speeches, speaking my mind, learning to stand for myself—ultimately life served up in such a way building on those rudiments became important if I wanted to survive and progress in the world.

Confidence also comes from hard work. Sheer hard work. Not just toiling without reason but navigating with a purpose when everything about something is not clear. The confidence to create something new. The confidence to believe when everyone suggests easier options which do not represent who we are and what we set out to achieve. The type that makes a difference and creates an impact. The process, which might entail taking the stairs sometimes and not the elavator. Confidence comes from doing as against being passive all the time. Influence from successful people also motivates because no matter the situation there is a way and there are people who have proved that. Confidence comes from within. I hope mine keeps climbing as it really helps in achieving tangible and worthwhile things while we are at it. Confidence is needed for success. It continues from our thoughts, the positive ones we choose over negative ones and water to actions. The little things matter also, it is not only when we compare big feats. Facing our fears and who we are. Standing for what we believe in. Showing empathy. Living out the values and principles we care about. A confident person is bright and sweet to be around. And am not saying the cheesy pretense we use to impress just to deceive although that might count if we considering the idea of showing up even when we don’t feel like it but have to. At the end of the day it is still a personal affair. An internal fulcrum that drives us. It is an energy that is given out to the universe that forces somethings to move in our favor.