Bish Better Have Rhianna’s Money

In 2005, Rihanna gave $1,000,000 to Hillary Clinton on the condition that she would pay Rihanna back by the end of 2015. It is nearing the end of 2015, and Hillary still hasn’t paid back any money. In response, Rihanna decided to hold a press conference to address the issue and to pressure Hillary into expediting the payment.

In the conference, Rihanna stated that she was “Ballin’ bigger than LeBron,” and told Hillary she should “pay me what you owe me.” Hillary wasn’t available for comment, but we assume that she got the message loud and clear. However, Hilary still hasn’t paid off her debt.

Concerns are mounting due to Rihanna’s comment “brap brap brap.” Some speculate that this was an assassination threat, while others believe it was a mating call. Some people have noticed that Hillary recently increased her security, prompting other politicians to believe the threats are credible.

Rihanna’s apartment was recently broken into, and the surveillance footage caught a woman matching Hillary’s dangerously high ear wax levels, wrinkles, and obnoxiously poofy hair. “She (the woman in question) looks like the Crypt Keeper’s inbred grandmother.” Says Rihanna.

Rihanna is expected to file charges against Hillary in November for trespassing, breaking and entering, and not flushing the toilet. “That’s the one thing that actually disturbed me.” Says Rihanna “I mean, you break in and do whatever, but log-jamming someone’s kahzi is uncalled for.” Hillary, like any good politician, quickly denied any involvement.