You are being big league annoying

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Millions of years ago, when Donald Trump was a reality TV guy with obviously no chance of winning the presidency, he appeared to say “bigly” in some campaign events. It was worth a small chuckle for those seeing more confirmation that he is dumb and bad at English.

But then two things happened. One, it became clear he was actually saying “big league,” which is a 100% real expression. Even better, it’s a sports expression, which are worth like triple points in US politics (and journalism).

More importantly, Donald Trump became President of the United States of America. No matter what happens, this can never be undone. Your children will be born into a country that was ruled by Donald Trump. When your great-grandchildren go to study abroad in Spain, they will go through customs using the passport of a country whose destiny was forged by circumstances that Donald Trump created. Everything that happens for the rest of this nation’s existence will be, somehow, a reaction to the Trump Presidency, which is real. …


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Image: Farrukh

If you ever go to Asia (do not do this, it is too big, and trying to comprehend it will only convince you that your mind was never meant to really comprehend anything) and you want to put all the attention rightly back on yourself, the important American, here is a little trick you can use. First, be in one of the countries that makes really spicy food, and then performatively eat stupid amounts of it in front of everyone. Hurt yourself badly, but pretend like you do this all the time. Probably, everyone will laugh and someone will say, “Whoa! …


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Image: Ashley Campbell

Often when discussing the economy or politics, people will say things like, “Who cares! Throw all the bums out! It can’t get any worse!”

This is, unfortunately, extremely incorrect. It can always get worse. This is especially true in the United States, which is perhaps the luckiest danged country in the history of the world. It is definitely the richest and most powerful danged country to ever exist.

Here’s a screenshot from one of my favorite Wikipedia pages ever, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_GDP_(nominal), which measures the total size of every economy in absolute international terms.

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As you can see, we are pretty far ahead of the pack. Second place here, the EU, is actually a big group of countries all added together, and third place has almost 1.4 billion people spreading much less money around. There are 194 countries on that list. …


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Photo: Brian Godfrey/Flickr

We’re right in the middle of the phase that precedes most global sports mega-events: apocalyptic predictions and violent rejection. This usually gives way to a second phase, when the television show actually begins, everything goes mostly fine (fingers crossed here in Rio), and attention shifts to the sports. This first phase occurs in part because mainstream English-language reporters cast their eyes on places like South Africa, Russia, or Brazil, and find them unpleasantly strange and foreign, sometimes even poor. A bunch of journalists get there and find there’s not much else to do but repeatedly ask, “Wow, is this going to be a disaster?” But it also occurs because we know there are some real problems in the ways that these events are put on. Not only are many recent complaints overstated, they’re pointed in the wrong direction. …

About

Vincent Bevins

@Vinncent

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