When I first started seeing your vlogs on YouTube, it probably was a year and a half (maybe more) before you met your personal Voldemort. At that time, for me, was a year and a half of healing from an abusive relationship of 3 years.
I remember that at some point when you started dating The Dark Lord I decided not to watch your channel anymore, but I couldn’t pin-point what it was in your videos that made me avert my eyes from the screen. It was just your daily life, like usual, but there was something about it that made me feel like something was up. Maybe I wasn’t conscious about it when i stopped watching, but reading this post maybe cleared up why I decided to stop watching you.
At some point i figured ‘it’ ended and it didn’t end well. I saw certain pictures, some tags with petty captions and i was sure, but didn’t know why, and i forgot about it until your latest Harry Potter video, and then the next, and read this post.
Now I see. I stopped watching because you were a reflection of what i did for 3 years, even when I wasn’t intending to ‘cover up’ for /my/ The Dark Lord. So much is ingrained in our behavior, we don’t notice it spreads to other interactions outside of the toxic relationship.
I’ll tell you this. I kept a letter my Voldemort wrote as an apology, after all the threats and disgusting things he tried when I ended everything for good. It’s been 4 years since that happened, 4 years of healing, forgiving and remaking myself. And last night I stumbled upon that letter, and finally I could read it without feeling sick or panicky. Let’s say his Horrocrux finally stopped working on me.
Accepting the casualties that relationship left is a hard thing to do, but it is an important step to take, so i congratulate you for that. I’m proud of you Neil.
The hardest step, you already made, so keep going.