So right. And that is the heart of it.
Gary Spangler

From reading your age references about yourself, I realize you are a few years younger than me, but I trust you will understand when I say, “I don’t want to heavy you out, man . . .”

Likely I am just another name on Medium which is totally true. However, when I was in my mid 20s I transitioned from boy to girl, completely, and so my comment here are based on a different set of parameters.

I will repeat what I have said elsewhere, and why this discussion of roles has my deep attention: I was raised a boy, started to transition in college, finally transitioned in my 20’s, lived 20+ years, my preference, as a passing dyke, and then shifted into being female neo-cis female heterosexual.Don’t look up neo-cis, you are not likely find it. <wink> A neo-cis is a trans person who transsexes to the point they become cis again, only on the “other” side. No! I know I can’t have children . . . don’t rub it in. My parents rubbed my nose in it when I explained I was a girl.

Anyway, I needed to give you the background from other posts so I am “honest” with you about my past.

Sex roles seem to be part of polite society and though fluid they do separate toward poles.

Case in point. Many years ago I am living with another female, a cis lesbian, going to med school. We are very egalitarian. Car need fixing, we mutually scratch our heads. Clothes need mending, we mutually take out needle and thread.

Being a med student she wonders why I don’t menstruate. Am I a female cancer survivor?No. Cornered (was she giving me a pelvic looking for a uterus the other night . . . ? ?) I finally have a reason to reveal my past — her peace of mind.

But over time and slowly and without ever asking for it, when the car goes on the blink, it is my responsibility. Don’t worry, Virginia, she’ll be doing some mending — after all a surgeon needs to have deft fingers.

We drifted into sex-roles. Oh this straight aping dykes.

As I said, 20 ago, I went straight. Hence 20 post-op years lesbian, and 20 post-op years straight woman neo-cis.

I meet a cishet man. We live together as a married couple. Guess what? Who is taking out the garbage and lifting heavy stuff? Him. Who is cooking and doing the laundry? Me.

Did we work it out this way? No. Is it egalitarian? Sorta? Are we “aping” sex roles like those lesbians? Busted! MOST couples do, het and otherwise.

I could go on, but I won’t for now. It’s that we are given training and there are expectations. Couples make it all fit.

Sex roles are comfortable as long as you have the right one and they are fluid as heck!