Learning to be a cis woman

Elsewhere on Medium an article appears, The Makeup Brand Helping Trans Women Choose Their Own Beauty, by Clare Wiley in The Establishment. The author makes a great point, citing Lorelei Erisis, a trans activist based in Massachusetts,

“Trans women are being dropped into these gender roles without any of the preparation that cisgender people get as children. There are all these little things that cis folks learn about their gender really early on, like how to do your makeup. Trans people have to pick up these skills while having to live their lives as adults and that’s difficult.
“But most of these services teach a very narrow version of femininity; that’s useful for some people but I don’t know if it’s entirely helpful all the time. You can learn to put makeup on your face and clothes on your body without really learning how to make decisions about those things, how to know what clothes fit your body, what your personal style is, what kind of woman are you wanting to be out in the world. Those are important questions that are always skipped over.”

I agree and comment:

This is why some survivors of early onset GD are questioning those who want to force trans kids to tough it out in the birth-assigned gender until the person is 18. There is a pushback against letting children express gender variance and dark warnings against puberty blockers and HRT in the child’s high school years.

The results are horrifying for those who are forced through a disfiguring puberty and lack the social skills. As Melanie Anne Phillips called it, “Raised By Wolves.” (<— link)

The problem many people of transition face is shame and there is resistance to well-intentioned hints and help. This is usually triggered by being talked down to. If a cis woman at the makeup counter at a department store talked in this manner to her cis client, telling her how “real” women put on makeup, it would be deeply insulting if not slightly insane.

Being matter of fact like the makeup counter consultant is a more productive approach.