The boy who wanted to win the world

Today I had a dream, but it wasn’t just a dream, it was something that I didn’t see a long time ago. I remember that I already had it about 10 years, so I can call it of “decade dream”? Dunno, so… Also I don’t know how to call this story, is something that I don’t know why, but mess whit me, I live it in first person, but I really don’t know if it’s me, also appears some close people and happens in some places that I’ve never been, anyway, I think I can call it of:

The boy who wanted to win the world

It begins at night, I’m at my room and for some reason I get stressed with my mom, I get pissed and I go away find something in the street, I believe that It was 10p.m., and i go walking with a slipper, a shorts and without shirt(who knows me know that i never walk like this in the street), go walking and for some reason i arrive at a place that it seems the Recife downtown, but i’m at a bus station, i take a paper from the pocket and leave it in the trash, I begin to find something to eat, and I think that i eat a half of a hamburguer. I take the paper and in it is written something that make pisses me off, i begin to cry, remember why I got pissed, because my mom thinks that i’m a useless and I don’t struggle too much to reach my goals(in parts is true), in the paper is wrotte: “You can’t do it”.

I leave the paper in the trash again and go away running, go to find something, that i didn’t found a long time ago, turn off in some place. Wake up in the morning and go back to the bus station, but when i arrive there, it wasn’t just a simple bus station, it’s a Integrated Bus Terminal(doesn’t seems anyone of Recife, it has a pier behind and further back has the sea with a lighthouse) full of people. I stay again next to the trash, and when i look to the horizon i see a known person coming to me, when he’s close i see that is my grandfather , but i don’t know if was really my grandfather, it seems that i had not seen him for a long time, he was with a suit, social pants and a 60’s cap, he gave me a light blue social button shirt and called me to talk, we walk and we arrive at the pier, he show me the slope and tell me a story: “When he was younger, he brought a boy and then the boy wanted to climb up the slope, but he wasn’t getting and ask for help, but he didn’t help, and he said: “Fight for what you want, don’t wait for the others, if you chase, you can conquer the world.”

The boy go and after try a lot he got to climb up the slope, than he look to the boy and say: “See…without effort and sacrifice there is no victory”. Than he look at me and say: “Remember that day? You were that boy, what happened? Do you forgot about all?”. Than I begin to cry, a lot, he put his hands on my shoulders, look at me and say: “Hey, stop to cry, never forget your goal, never forget what I taught you, i’ll be always with you, even though i’m not here. Never forget whats I always told you… “If you effort, you can win the world.”

Gradually he disappeared, i feel it will take a while to see him again, i continue to cry, my vision was darkening… I wake up, crying a lot, i remember him, he didn’t die, but i feel that it’s close, but i feel that we aren’t so close like in the old days.

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Vinicius Nascimento

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I don't know what I'm doing

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