A Wiser Kind of Love

You WILL rise from heartbreak.

It may take you a minute or five years but eventually your pain passes, your grief recedes and your heart is ready to open again to the possibilities of romance.

You will be ready to love again but this time around you will want to love from a more sacred space.

You will want to be in a relationship with someone who respects you and values you as much as you value him.

You will want to be in a relationship in which both of you are committed to each other equally: a shared, co-active and mutual love.

Most importantly, you will want to be in a relationship in which you depend on yourself, not the other person. You feel secure in yourself, not the love you receive.

You want a relationship in which you both complete yourselves first instead of completing each other.

Here are 5 ways to love a little more wisely. 
1. Love with experience means you bring your past experiences with you and you have learned from them.

Loving from the past means recalling what it was like to be without self-love in a relationship and all the symptoms a dysfunctional relationship has.

Love with experience means you learned from the past; you noticed what worked and what didn’t. You remember the types of personalities and characteristics that are bad for you.

You are inspired to do the work to love yourself so you don’t depend on the other person to love you. You come from a place of worthiness and completeness, not a place of lack and neediness.

2. Love with growth means you’ll go about this relationship differently.

Regardless of how much work you’ve done and how worthy you’re feeling, you’ll do the work in this relationship. You’ll look for instances of self-doubt, self-criticism and negativity and do something about them.

You’ll apply lessons of the past to the current relationship. You’ll learn to love yourself while you’re in the relationship.

You’ll do the work to grow every day and fully embrace who you are.

You’ll schedule and consciously cultivate care for yourself.

3. Love with boundaries means you have limits on what you’ll tolerate in the relationship.

It means you won’t put up with anything and everything your partner does.

It means you’ll end the relationship if he steps beyond your personal boundaries. It means you’ll respect yourself enough to end souring relationships.

Love with boundaries means you won’t let your partner treat you in unacceptable ways.

You’ll love yourself enough to not let your partner repeatedly betray your trust.

You won’t let your partner degrade you, humiliate you, blackmail you or hurt you in other emotional or physical ways.

You create personal boundaries by speaking out, calling things out and retreating if necessary.

4. Love with needs means you’ll talk about your needs with your partner.

You’ll inquire about his needs and speak about your needs.

You’ll be willing to get vulnerable and share your sensitivities.

You’ll speak about the struggles you’ve had with self-love and let him know he needs to respect your boundaries. You’ll also let him know when he has crossed your boundaries and give him opportunities to make corrections and try better the next time around.

You’ll also know that when your partner ignores or tramples your needs, the time will have arrived for hard conversations or courageous action.

Share your weaknesses and vulnerabilities so your partner is sensitive to them.

Learn what triggers of your self-worth issues your partner brings to the table.

Learn to communicate in ways that let you express your needs effectively.

Back up your communication with compassion, empathy and understanding for each other.

Schedule time to communicate, and not only when the relationship is going haywire!

5. Love with light means a deeper and more holistic love.

Love with light is a spiritual form of love.

You won’t come from a place of division and separateness from within or with another person.

You’ll work on seeing the light everywhere.

If you can see self-love as a light, like the light from the sun, shine this light within you. Feel the light of the sun within all parts of your body and imagine this to be a place of complete love in every part of your body.

Shine this light on your thoughts, your emotions and your behavior.

Shine this light of love on how you show up to yourself and how you show up to the world.

If you have a partner, shine this light on him too.

See him as someone connected to you in the universal way in which we are all connected. See him as part of the greater universal intelligence.

When we see the commonality and the shared light with each other, we find it easier to forget hostility and differences.

Light helps us drop the ego, look past differences and help each other work on the wounds we bring with us into relationships.

Love starts with you.

Last and definitely not least is the message of my new book, Love Yourself After Heartbreak.

When you’re starting a new relationship, before you get into how much you love another person and whether that person can reciprocate your love, focus on your relationship with yourself.

Love this time with plenty of self-love and self-acceptance.

Be comfortable in your skin and embrace your worth.

Focus on the work you must do with yourself. Raise your self-esteem, speak more reassuringly to yourself, don’t hold yourself to such high standards and give yourself a break.

Practice doing things that make you feel empowered.

Your ideal relationship can show up at any time; you have very little control over that.

However, you can control the quality of the relationship you have with yourself and how you improve it.

After your breakup, work on this most sacred and divine relationship with yourself.

When you’re complete, happy and generating self-love, your romantic relationships will become easier.

You won’t depend on someone else for love and happiness. It will all come from within.

Once you’re in a place of fully and completely loving yourself, you can look for a partner with whom to share this love within. Neither of you needs each other but both of you are stronger and better because of each other.

Breaking up can be hard but it doesn’t have to be insignificant.

You can use your breakup to build a foundation for love and relationships that will be stronger in the future.

You won’t be susceptible to the availability of someone else’s love. You’ll generate all the love and worthiness from within.

Your relationships will improve. Your friendships will improve and all aspects of your life will improve.

You’ll go from being a self-love student to a self-love teacher — and hopefully, a self-love warrior. You’ll share the light of self-love and worthiness in your relationships with all those around you.

With a wiser love, you will shine bright within and be a light for all around you.

Check out my latest book, Love Yourself After Heartbreak. You can pick it up on Amazon here.