The Tale I Tell Myself and Tell You

By Salvador Nocetti Vilchis

Versión en Español

I have no idea where should I start to order my ideas, and feelings, what’s clear it’s that many of them are sailing in a sea of confusion and chaos.

When I notice so many subjects that are open today, that has a repercussion in me, and seems that this chaos is making me drown. Years ago I took some life decisions that of course, have made an impact in others: a divorce, a new marriage, financial adjustments, a constant struggle for power with my ex-wife, complaints, complaints, and more complaints. On the professional side I have a career umm… which is ok, but without being dazzling, cause it seems getting to a point with various cracks.

Sure, and convinced about the impact in integration projects and fusions I built myself an “EXPERT ME” theory. Hundreds of stupid working decisions, -actually they aren’t a hundred, more like a couple of them- where the “be polite” and being humble disappeared, and with them the possibility of continuing with a project… it was me the odd element that wasn’t fitting with the new HR VP. This that I’m telling is the tale I tell myself and tell you. And at the same time, I realized that I needed a change in my life because at this age corporations don’t want any more of good people, they need “fresh flesh” with hunger, and a lot of energy to work… for less money… So, I had to think about professional bridges.

Adjustments and Mismatches

Obviously when this reflection came into my life, it “came here to stay”, -yes, just like that old radio station that my mother would listen on AM band-. Some of the adjustments started with its natural mismatches, mainly with my older children who moved in with their mother, who is today, my enemy.

And on the working side, it was years ago that this new road started that feeds from my experience and my stories, additionally to my relations. On the personal side, a new family project begins, and my first dog arrives to my life giving me all types of kindness and love. I also began a project that seemed easy, being an SME with three partners. Those where 3 years where I was grateful for the invitation, the payment, and the project, but my heaty wasn’t there. The DNA was different from mine, and so I suffered it, a little, or a lot. I must admit I learned much more than I thought in those moments.

Afterwards I started a training project, where today I realize, that the tales I tell to myself are my reality constructions, in other words, the way I judge the world and give it a value. I become aware that the everything can be affected by a movement, like the pool balls when they’re touched by the cue. Everything moves! I realize that they’re some subjects that aren’t closed to me, and subjects that aren’t closed for others, I realize my judgments, my disqualifications, and the reality I build every day. In the same way, I realize how vulnerable it’s to feel helplessness, and how wonderful is to feel enough, which to me means those moments where I connect with myself or God, which I decide to signify as something big and wonderful.

In my case the name I give to this greatness is God, it gives me peace, hope, and makes me feel that I have the forms to re-configure what is in my mind, and give it a different meaning. It’s not positive psychology, nor related with a “Join the optimists club”, it’s something else, it’s vulnerability and helplessness accompanied with inner peace, and enoughness, it’s walking between chaos, and order, and chaos, and order, and chaos, and order.

That’s the way my life is, like everyone elses, complete, and full of wonderful things… things that challenge me, and scare me. Today and from now on, I will solve what’s yet to come working day by day, because my important choices led me to be with an amazing woman whom I love, to two new twin babies, who are teaching me day by day love in a greater consciousness.

My other gifts are a daughter who is a visual artist, a son musically gifted who is distant and angry at me because in his being and reality construction, I’m a bad father, and irresponsible paying attention of the things he feels lay beneath my responsibility, and are his right.

Understanding my ancestral and political relations, from a perspective of enoughness and peace. Even if sometimes I roll over in my own judgements, this teachings help my to walk the path with myself, learning to love me in order to have a good life.

Thanks to the Michael Blumenstein’s Theory that allows me to look at myself with good eyes.