Ron Weasley Announces New WizFit Initiative


CONTACT: Granger PR,

Salem, Massachusetts — Throughout the primary season, magical media outlets were a-flutter with speculation about whether or not Hermione Granger’s husband, Ron Weasley, would play a public role in Granger’s long-shot presidential bid. Weasley put an end to the mystery with a rousing speech on the front steps of the Salem Quidditch Club headquarters. Though he opened with a glowing endorsement of Granger and her pro-education, equality-focused platform, he spent the bulk of his speech laying out plans for his new health initiative, WizFit.

“Fitness is magic,” said Weasley. “If my wife is elected President, I’ll use my position as First Wizard to promote physical activity to the good people of America. Whether you’re a seasoned athlete or a coach potato who wants to get outdoors a little more, my WizFit initiative will have something for you!”

WizFit appears to place accessibility at the center of its goals. Weasley expressed scorn for the gatekeeping and competition that permeates most fad fitness trends, and promised new opportunities and options for the millions of people who want to exercise more but feel intimidated by gym culture.

“I was given a chance to play Keeper for Gryffindor, and it changed my life,” Weasley said. “Even I couldn’t believe I was chosen for that. But that experience gave me a deeper sense of confidence in myself and my ability to make a difference in the world. That’s the kind of impact I want to have with WizFit.”

Weasley engaged in a brief Q&A with reporters after his speech and was pressed to point to examples of accessible fitness programs after which he might model WizFit.

“My friend Harry Potter told me about this great virtual race, Road to Hogwarts 2: Escape From Privet Drive,” Weasley said. “Apparently you can participate in any location, at your own pace, and in as many intervals as you need. Whether you’re a seasoned runner or a novice, or even if you don’t run at all, you can sign up for this event and receive a medal just for trying. Wicked!”

“Magical folks and muggles alike can join Harry on the Road to Hogwarts any time between now and September 1,” added Weasley. “I plan to sign up soon, once Hermione gives me my allowance — er, campaign stipend.”


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