- It’s impossible to have a bad hair day when Don is your bar.
2. In Soviet Russia, car drive you. But in Soviet America, Russia buy president!
3. He has made the nation so awful, that I can finally begin to understand the appeal of “Make America Great Again.”
4. His wife hates him so much that there’s a chance she treats us to the first ever “FLOTUS Sex Scandal.”
5. I’ve become so accustomed to winning, that I won’t even care when North Korea inevitably perfects their nuclear capabilities on Don’s watch.
6. As a resident of Washington, DC, I now swim in a cesspool rather than simply a swamp. While this may sound like a downgrade, I can now be certain that all the flotsam I encounter comes directly from the White House, so at least I know the toxin’s source.
7. I’ve learned that Ukraine suffers from such endemic corruption that it can infect American politics.
8. Ever since George W. Bush left office, I’ve been desperate for a president whose chain is pulled by someone else.
9. Dimwit Trump Jr. will now be a national punching bag for the foreseeable future. In the event ethical and able politicians take control of government again, we’ll still have someone to taunt mercilessly.
10. Let’s be real, even writing satire, I couldn’t come up with another 10 reasons to laud this inept sociopath. The list ends here.
Dear Extra Newsfeed, I tried reaching out to multiple of your editors and/or finding a way to submit to your publication, but was unsuccessful. Would love assistance or even a response.