Chastity doesn’t mean you can’t like or want sex.

“Would you like some sexy times?”

She looked up from her book. “What?” I rather like the faces my wife makes when she’s incredulous at me. It’s somewhere between *you’re adorable* and *you’re goofy* both of which are true and I wear proudly on my sleeve

“Would you like some sexy times?”

“Why are you asking?”

“Because my more subtle ways weren’t working so I figured I’d just be direct.” I started nuzzling at her neck. “Why be coy?” Coyness can lead to disatisfaction if we aren’t being obvious *enough*. I get enough self-inflicted disatisfaction already, Chastity notwithstanding.

I don’t write about Chastity that frequently. It is, frankly, one of the Virtues I struggle with the most. It is, in part socialization and part lack of research adn part lack of reflection. The former informs the latter two and I step around the big, hulking, mass of Chastity to read up more on Temperance. Because drinking is my Fuck It Virtue.

See what I did there? (I’ll probably do it again so stay sharp)

Any way, that’s as bad a pun as it is a reason not to do a thing I have committed to doing. So let’s maybe look closer at Chastity, huh?

## Chastity, sex, and love, and maybe some Cocoa Puffs.

Virtue, more broadly, is about engaging with our innermost selves in a direct and honest way. It is about understanding the difference between impulse and need, destructive and regenerative behaviors, adn getting to the root of our own happiness and fulfilment. Virtue is fostering a healthy understanding of ourselves and our impact on the world. Keeping that in mind, that we are one of many and we’re all trying to be good people, any particular human drive can be understood and should be embraced in a way that makes us more whole.

Chastity, more specifically for me, is about directness and honesty in sexual desire as a component of love. It’s that intersection that is chaste love is at its best but I think Chastity can exist with love only. For that matter, sex can exist without love, it’s just not something that works for me. It’s just not Chastity how I define it.

Love and sex can be two of the most powerful drives a person has and the most powerful drivers of human behavior. The desire to procreate can be waaaaay stronger than many would prefer. And because of how screwed up we can get about it and how screwed over people can be by it, we place enormous emphasis in it.

With intense emphasis comes the pressure of Chastity as a Thing What Beckons To Me and society tells me I can adn should be having more of. And if I’m not, Woe Be Unto Me. Now not only is it a Beckoning Thing, but a whole mental Thing on top of it. If you’re getting either, there’s got to be so,ething wrong with you. If you are, you probably aren’t getting enough, and there’s something wrong with you.

And if you *are* getting enough, what are you a giggolo? Go take up a hobby like model trains. There’s nothing sexual about trains and tunnels.

The simple truth is that sex is great and a way for two people to interact that can be a positive and beneficial thing for both parties.