Adventures without your miniature sidekick

Adventuring out without my pint-sized accomplice is tricky for a few reasons. Firstly, arranging childcare. But let’s just say, for the sake of this article, that I’ve managed to find an Alfred to look after my baby Batgirl.

Here comes the real issue. I am no longer the main character in my life. Giving birth to my daughter was a very rude awakening to the fact that, I am no longer the centre of my Universe. She is. I’m not bitter or resentful about it. If my daughter was the main character of a weekly comic, I would buy every issue, ever published, for the rest of my life. However, my core understanding of the world has been shaken and I lost a bit of my identity in the process.

My daughters identity on the other hand is fascinating to watch. It unfolds each day. It’s fluid and in no way permanent. I am in awe of her. She is socially fearless. She can walk into a room full of strangers and sing “twinkle twinkle little star” at the top of her voice. She’s charming. She has a smile that lights up the dark and a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. She’s fun. Her laughter rings like a little bell as she runs from room to room, playing hide and seek. She’s amazing. But after 3 years, I think it’s time to work on my own story a little. How do I write my own adventures without her? Who am I now?

After the rollercoaster of the first few years of parenting. The sleepless nights, the figuring out how to feed and clean her. Resigning to the fact that, whether I want to or not, I now wake up at 6.00 am even if she’s soundly sleeping. I’m no longer the me I was before. I used to be social. Now, parent groups terrify me. It takes all my strength to walk into one. The idea of going out for a night of booze and dancing exhausts me just thinking about it. I always make an excuse not to go to that open mic night my friends have told me about.

Bottom line is it’s scary and exhausting unless my charismatic, Tiny Titan is by my side, pushing me outside my boundaries with her limitless energy. So what can I do?

Well, now that the baby years are over and preschool has started, I’m going to figure out what kind of narrative I want to create. I’ll take bits of the old me and mix it with the new me. I’ll look to my favourite little character and take her best attributes. I’ll remind myself that she learnt most of them from me. I’ll start off slowly making an effort to leave the house without her once in a while. Who knows by the time she’s 18, my spin-off might have found it’s feet and be it’s own story again. I’ll be the main character once more, when I’m ready.

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