Have you ever felt like you knew someone well, only to be surprised later by their actions or beliefs?
It’s easy to assume familiarity with people we’ve known for a long time, or even with people we’ve just met who seem to fit a certain mould. However, assuming familiarity can be a trap that leads to a lot of problems down the road.
When you assume that you know someone, you run the risk of oversimplifying their experiences and motivations.
They may feel the urge to assert their individuality and reject the labels and assumptions that you’ve placed on them.
What to consider when you think you know someone:
People are complex
Every person is complex and multifaceted. No matter how well you think you know someone, you’re only seeing a part of their personality and experiences.
People’s motivations change over time and in different contexts. Moreover, they may intentionally or unintentionally hide their true intentions.
Communication is key
Assuming familiarity can also lead to communication breakdowns with people when you don’t actually check in with them. Somebody might get hurt in the process if there’s no clarity and honesty. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification or express your feelings.
Beliefs and values may differ
Another pitfall is assuming that someone shares your beliefs and values. Even people who seem similar on the surface can have significant differences in their beliefs and values. Avoid making assumptions about what someone thinks or feels, and be willing to learn more about their perspective.
People can change
Finally, people can change over time. Someone you thought you knew well might surprise you with a new interest or behavior. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they were being deceitful or disingenuous before, but rather that people are dynamic and always evolving. Be open and willing to revise your understanding of someone.
Bonus paragraphs
I read Malcolm Gladwell’s “Talking to Strangers,” a couple of years ago and it planted a seed in my brain.
Gladwell helped me realise how my default assumptions and expectations about some people have misled me. People are often not as transparent as we might think and our assumptions about them can be misguided, leading to misunderstandings and even tragedies.
Therefore, if you think know someone else based solely on their initial impressions or limited interactions, you may be making inaccurate assumptions that might cost you later.
People’s behaviour can be beyond what we observe.
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