Wangechi studied my weekly routine and observed that Mondays are the least demanding for me, making it an ideal day for our weekly call. Come rain, come sunshine, she faithfully calls me every single Monday without fail. It’s like she has an internal clock that reminds her. In return, I reciprocate albeit on a day other than Monday!
Not only has Wangechi blessed me with a decade of unwavering friendship, but she also stood by my side as the maid of honour at my wedding. From the moment we met, there was an instant connection, as if our souls recognized each other. She has been a constant presence in my life, a source of strength, laughter, and unwavering support.
Female friendship is important
While I’ve been fortunate to have female friends around me, I didn't recognize their value then as I do now. It took time and reflection to appreciate the significance of the connections I’ve built over the years.
With age comes a broader range of life experiences and personal growth. As I navigate these experiences, I have come to appreciate the support and companionship of my friends more deeply. I’ve realized how rare and precious genuine connections are.
Have you met women who prefer to have male friends? Some even boast about steering clear of any “girl drama”. I have certainly met a few.
While this is a personal choice that can be rooted in various factors I am a champion of female friendships due to 3 reasons:
1. Empathy and Understanding
Female friends often share similar life experiences, challenges, and societal pressures, which creates solidarity. This shared perspective makes it easier to relate to each other’s experiences and provide support.
2. Communication
I love the unique way in which women communicate. We have rich conversations that delve into personal topics and emotions, leading to deep and enriching connections.
3. Emotional Support
Female friendships offer a safe space to discuss issues, seek advice, and provide a listening ear during tough times. Emotional support from close female friends is invaluable.
While some may choose to predominantly have male friends, we can't deny the unique benefits of female friendships.
Developing and maintaining female friendships
I tell you for free… If I initiate ‘hi’ to you two times in a row, I fully expect you to initiate the third ‘hi’. What do you think this is? Yoh! I have self-respect. Haha...I’m just kidding.
It’s all about mutual effort when it comes to forming friendships. Just as in dating, initiating a connection with someone requires active participation from both parties.
Making the first move is all part of the natural process of forming connections. Some advances will be accepted, and some will be rejected, and that’s entirely okay. It doesn’t make the person rejecting the friendship “bad” — it simply means that the connection may not be the right fit at that moment. Friendship, like any relationship, should be a two-way street, where both parties contribute to the connection.
Managing your energy
By now you know friendship requires effort and energy. There are levels to friendships and managing your energy accordingly can be a helpful approach to maintaining healthy and balanced relationships.
1. Close Friends
These are your girls who you confide in, rely on for support, and spend significant time with. Close friendships require a substantial amount of energy and effort, but they also provide immense emotional support and fulfillment in return. The efficiency of these friendships is typically high because the energy invested is reciprocated and yields strong emotional bonds.
2. Acquaintances
Acquaintances are women you know but have not developed a deep or personal connection with. Interactions with acquaintances may be pleasant, but they are often more surface-level. Energy expended in maintaining these relationships tends to be relatively low, and the emotional investment is not substantial.
3. Casual Friends
Casual friends are somewhere between close friends and acquaintances. You enjoy spending time together and have some level of connection but your interactions may not be as frequent or intense as with close friends. Energy invested in casual friendships is moderate, and the efficiency can vary based on the level of mutual effort and the depth of the connection.
Assessing investment required
- Prioritize close friends: Recognize the value of your close friendships and invest more energy in nurturing and maintaining them. These relationships are often the most rewarding.
- Set boundaries: With acquaintances and casual friends, it’s okay to set boundaries to conserve energy. You don’t need to overextend yourself for every relationship, especially when it doesn’t yield the same level of support.
- Assess reciprocity: Consider whether the energy you invest is reciprocated. If a friendship is consistently one-sided and draining, it may be worth reevaluating the effort you put into it.
- Regular check-ins: Periodically assess your relationships to ensure that your energy is being distributed in a way that aligns with your needs and values.
- Quality over quantity: Focus on the quality of your friendships rather than the quantity. It’s better to have a few meaningful connections than numerous superficial relationships that drain your energy.
- Communication: Communicate with your friends about your needs and expectations, as well as listen to theirs. Open and honest communication can help maintain balance and ensure that energy is invested wisely.
Bonus paragraphs
In my culture, there’s a common proverb that says, “A woman’s enemy is her fellow woman” but have you met men?
Men experience similar levels of conflict and rivalry amongst themselves.
The proverb is based on a stereotype that suggests women encounter out-of-the-ordinary challenges in their relationships with other women. While there can be competition or conflict among some friends, it’s highly inaccurate and unfair to generalize that women hate each other.
I think it’s better to focus on understanding the conflicts and challenges in female friendships than making broad generalizations.
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