Feminist Rant About T.J. Miller No One Asked Me to Write
There’s a fine line one has to walk when they are a comedian/podcaster/actor. They require you to connect with your audience, which means carving out pieces of yourself to give out to the world. Each joke at your personal expense forces you to reflect on who you are to mine for comedy gold. Great comedy comes from pain and progress. Sarah Silverman made a shocking joke on Conan a few years ago using the term “Chinks”. She addressed the impact on Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher.
She makes a point. She did say something shocking, but it did have a point. Words have power. The context and intent of words are undeniably important. Speaking of “female comedians” (a phrase I utterly despise for several reasons), Sarah Silverman, is one of countless provocative standups. Maria Bamford, Jackie Kashian, Nicole Byer, Margaret Cho, Laurie Kilmartin, Karen Kilgariff, Tiffany Haddish, and Tig Notaro are just a few who come to mind immediately. Yes, women are funny. If you gave me a few minutes, I could bore you with an obscenely long list of hilarious women. If I wrote that list, it wouldn’t be Men vs. Women. Some parts about being a woman have everything to do with being personally competitive with themselves. It isn’t about the us vs. them game. Some women are just ecstatic to be booked. Even if the show is called “Clam Jam Comedy Boom” or “Laughing Ladies” or some other kitschy piece of wording. As is the state with most things, we’re fighting the [demon lizard] PATRIARCHY, people! There’s even a shirt for that.
What does that have to do with a White, Cis, famous voice guy, T.J. Miller? A lot. Our allies are our biggest assets. Believe it or not, he is one. In order to be a good comic, you need to be relatable, right? How much do you share of your true self? Strip away the loud noises, and listen. There’s the vulnerable, ooey gooey center!

If you share too much or become too popular, people come out of the background to declare how lovely or abhorrent you are. There is a safety that comes with playing a character during interviews. It’s like thinking you look like a big dumb dumb in photos. Picture time comes around, and you make a face that you KNOW looks ridiculous. You also confirm, I take goofy photos. I’m goofy photo person. I deflect bullets with laughter.

It’s safer. When you try…when you’re vulnerable…risks are more difficult to take. I’d rather you laugh my direction when I’m making a silly face and announcing to my friends and or strangers that I’m a Corgi Rancher [goes into details of the wild Corgi rustlin’ in a British accent], or making jokes about the decor in this place. What? Are we on the set of The Love Boat? *slide whistle* Being silly is safer. Provoking laughter out of sad corners of yourself and the world. Making people laugh to hide the sadness. I don’t want to put words into Mr. Miller’s mouth. He’s already had his words taken out of context. Read some of that here. But, that’s how I feel. Motherfuckers just wanna laugh. Harris Wittels said that. Motherfuckers just wanna laugh. Yes, they do. I would rather be laughing while fighting off “All Lives Matter” people and the patriarchy. I would rather be laughing. There is one thing I hate more than anything though, I hate being misunderstood. That article (and the Rolling Stone one-link at the bottom) talk about being misunderstood by the masses. One quote that was highly misunderstood and worth unpacking is this:
“They’re taught to suppress their sense of humor during their formative years,” The Emoji Movieactor, 36, explained of his belief. The star went on to tell the magazine that he wants to be a villain in Hollywood.
As someone who has done standup, I can say that I was not encouraged by ANY men in my family to be funny. I was told by my male history teacher in high school, “it’s a shame you cut your hair short. Men don’t like women with short hair. You already are funnier than the boys in your class. Guys really don’t like that. ”
- False
- You are a teacher. An EDUCATOR! How dare you! That fucked me up for a few years. Why wouldn’t my teacher be worried about my frakin’ brain instead of whether or not I was fuckable? It turns out, most men care about what I look like. I’ve been told I was funny by men who saw me do a set. Only to be followed with a “so do you wanna go out?” Is this an SNL sketch in real life? Is that why this sketch is so funny? It’s true. Weird how comedy can reflect painful realities so we can shine a light on them.
Now, I have met T.J. Miller. He’s genuinely a nice guy. When he looks at you, he really looks at you. It’s like meeting a dog on the street, and the dog can just tell you are friendly on a sub-atomic level. The playing field is devoid of any pretenses, and you can see for miles. He gives that look to a lot of people. I’ve seen it. If you haven’t done your homework on someone, you will step on landmine after landmine. Speak their language. You invited them to talk, and I bet you asked a lot of questions Miller was tired of answering? Did you ask a lot of loaded questions to a comedian who has turned morning shows on their asses by doing his ridiculous water gags and word play?
Some haven’t done the homework, and the rest think they know who he is based on a caricature of himself that he performs like some kind of art instillation. The problem is if you’re too good, people believe it. People call you a villain, and you become the villain. Although, the villains have all the best lines. Being yourself leaves you vulnerable to personal attacks. If you’re a buffoonish clown, you know the attacks are on THAT guy. On the buffoon. The clown takes the hit. They aren’t looking into your eyes showing you there are a scores of galaxies left unexplored.
My favorite person who sees this in him is Kate Miller aka Rose Petal Pistol (@rosepetalpistol on twitter and instagram). She’s her own person, artist, feminist, actress, and known for not putting up with any bullshit. I have yet to meet her, but if you haven’t guessed…I adore these two. I just don’t see a world where she would be with a person who is all the nasty things people have said about him. How can you could hear all of his standup, podcasts, and interviews…yet…YET…you STILL mishear what he said? You still don’t get it? You are the same people who don’t understand why Hollywood Handbook is brilliant because you don’t get it.
There are a lot of prolific comedians who push buttons purposefully to test your limits, to make you question what’s acceptable to say, and why we have these self-imposed limits. When you don’t understand the tone of the person, the words change shape. Under the right light, a butter knife can look like a machete. It’s frustrating to watch someone roasted over an angry mob with torches and pitchforks aching for blood.
Under the right light, a butter knife can look like a machete.
I’m already expecting a lot of, “Well, actually…” from everyone. Several other people have pointed out the fact that the public missed the point, including the most recent Rolling Stone article here .
I’m ready for others to take me out of context, too. I’m a woman, so…I’m used to it. I’m on the side of T.J. Miller. I’m biased. This is a complete opinion piece. I am biased, but you have to learn him to know him. Listen to his podcast appearances, and stop asking dumb questions.
