Untie the Parlance to Shake Loose Some Comforting Vernacular

Jem Ennuie
Jul 27, 2017 · 4 min read

I’m making peace within myself, slowly, to be okay with being “bisexual”. It’s a weird idea. Am I straight when I’m with a man? Am I a lesbian when I’m with a woman? I don’t have answers for those questions. The largest enemy is also the biggest ally: words. Fucking semantics. I found out there were words like “hetero-romantic bisexual” and “homo-romantic lesbian”. My brain nearly exploded! You can google all the goods yourself to read more of the delicious combinations of words which may comfort you, too.

What in the hell is she saying? What I’m saying is that using the pronoun a person asks you to use is important. If a person calls herself a woman, you should do the same. If I tell you my name is Sam, and you call me “Samantha”, I’m going to go into a quiet rage. Be respectful of how another person identifies, especially if you were lucky enough to have already figured your own stuff out. When you have rights, it’s easier to be blind to others who do not. I love words. I’m not a writer, but I do feel like I have something to say. So, I will leave you with a link full of odd words I find pleasing and humorous.

A list of people, things, shows, etc. that have helped me realize that I am extremely gay…yet, also straight?

  1. The Robin Hood (1973)
As I child, I wanted to kiss ’em both.

2. Ani DiFranco (any and all albums)

Ani DiFranco’s Dilate

3. The Little Mermaid (Yes, BOTH Ariel AND Eric)

Her eyes, her voice, and I wanted to look at her boobs so badly.

4. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Another hot redhead. Can I blame the era for all the fetishistic ways redheads are portrayed? Also, hyperfemininity to remind you of what women are supposed to look like.

5. Pump Up the Volume

Christian Slater AND Samantha Mathis in Pump Up the Volume. I had the VHS. I owned the soundtrack. I wanted to one or the other (depending on who was really doing a better performance that watch).

6. Foxfire starring Angelina Jolie

Foxfire with Jenny Shimizu and Angelina Jolie. She was my sexual spirit for many of my formative years. I have yet to get that flame tattoo, but I will.

7. Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown

A copy of which was given to me in high school by someone who may have known more about me than I did. Also, great book. Highly recommend.

8. Willow on Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Willow’s journey on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Love is about love. It’s not about gender. *Found on Tumblr*

9. Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Great quote from a great show, and one of the sexiest characters on any show ever.
Further proof

10. Kate McKinnon

Honorable and Sexy Mentions:

Margaret Cho, Ewan McGregor, Scar-Jo (I’m not made of steel, people), Jada Pinkett, Jillian Bell, and James McAvoy.

These aren’t based on sex appeal alone. I find them attractive based on bodies of work, interviews, standup, and extra points for style. This was just a list of feel goodery. Naming my attractions gives me a little more power. I can examine what parts of a person make them sexy. McKinnon is the easiest to dissect what draws me into her. She makes me laugh. She is unapologetically herself. She knows what she is about. She keeps expanding her comedic limits to challenge herself. She isn’t afraid to be “ugly” or appear unattractive for a role. Kate McKinnon doesn’t come off as the type of woman who would ever coast on her stunning looks. She’s too great of an actor to be simply some lesbian sex icon. She is confident in her abilities. I don’t know what she is like outside of the Hollywood gaze, but I wish I did. I’d ask her all kinds of questions about the patriarchy while we braided each other’s hair.

I’ve always had crushes on men and women. I think it’s okay. I’m not yet, but I’m getting there. In the meantime, I’m going to keep trying to figure out what it is that I love about certain characters. Where is the attraction? It’s never been all physical to me. There are so many complex bits and bobbles that make up what is considered, well, “hot”. This goes all ouroboros because what I call “hot” might be your cold. You might call me a confused straight girl. I might tell you I’m trying to own my bisexuality as a woman. Trying. They may only seem like little words, but their intentions are paramount. I don’t like trying to label myself, but there is a kind of euphoria that one gets from discovering their definitions.

Jem Ennuie

Written by

The bisexual who is confused by more than just sexuality.

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