I’m glad you were able to put all of this into words — it is something I have believed for a long time. Today I read an article of a man many years or decades ago slamming a trunk down on his wife while she was packing because he was impatient. She died later from a haemorrhage — the death being described as “accidental” by the courts. This is not love — it is abuse, assault. Love does not hurt, but pain from jealousy or loss does, pain from other emotions hurts, but not love. Because love is it’s own emotion.
I was in a relationship at the start of this year and I knew deep in my heart that I didn’t love the person I was with, knowing that she was very much in love with me. I couldn’t stand the thought of making her feel like she wasn’t being loved at some point further down the line, so I thought it best we part on a positive note, instead of on a resentful one.