self-love as an adult.

One thing that I’ve come to realize as an adult about self-love is that it’s not a destination, it’s a journey. A wonderful, breath-taking journey. An adventure of a lifetime. Some people’s journey takes longer than others meanwhile some never make that first step.
Self-love as an adult is complicated. You’re torn between putting the needs of your loved ones first and leaving yours last. You’re torn between a stable job and aspiring life goals. You’re buried underneath bills and other stress factors. The moment you decide to drop everything to go on a journey of self-discovery, everyone stares you down and tell you about all the negative things that will follow. They tell you it’s best to just stick to your day job and play the role that you’re meant to play.
Why is it that people will put you down and call you selfish when you tell them that you’re putting yourself first? How can you love others with your whole heart if you cannot love yourself the same way? You feel unhappy, lost, and your life actually really isn’t yours at all. You’re an empty shell of a human. It’s that kind of backwards thinking that has many people stuck living unhappy lives.
Whoever you may be that needed to hear this today, you go on and put yourself first. Long ago before I found out about a thing called “self-love”, I battled fiercely with my demons, depression, and became very unhappy with everyone and everything. I was breaking from the inside. I felt like I was grasping for air each and every day. I would go to sleep at night wishing I wouldn’t wake up to see another day. I hated my life. I hated my child, my husband, my families, and anything that had a connection with me. Most importantly, I hated myself more than anything. I treated people like dirt but it never made me feel any better about myself. I became suicidal and soon started thinking that my life was worthless and it was best to end it all.
Many people didn’t understand my actions. I had a roof over my head, families and friends, a job, and food on the table but yet, I was still unhappy. I was lablelled “selfish and unappreciative”.
One day, I dropped everything. I dropped out of college, quit my job, wanted to leave my marriage, and just run somewhere far away. Of course and when I told people about the changes that I was going to make starting from that point on, you guessed right.
“You’re being selfish.”
“Your kid and husband should always come first.”
The usual guilt trip that people will tell you about your decision(s) because they all live in your shoes too, apparently. But understand that the moment I stopped caring and learned how to love myself completely; all of my faults and imperfections, their words meant nothing to me. It had no affect.
Those people put you down simply because of one thing; they do not have self love. People with self-love don’t tear down others. They inspire and encourage. People without self-love would tear you down while adding salt to your wounds. Also, money can’t buy self-love. No amount of affection or love from your loved ones equals to self-love. Those are things that bring temporary happiness and they are things that can stop anytime.
For a long time, I let the views and words of others scared me and binded me down. Empty words and invisible fears. When I learned how to love myself, I realized that they pushed their fears and judgement onto me. Those weren’t my fears or how I felt about the world or myself. Words and actions are a reflection of who people are deep inside.
I let go of toxic people. I removed myself from negative energies and I continued to inspired myself every day. I put my well-being first, my thoughts and emotions, and I stopped letting people take advantage of me. My self-worth was worth much more than the assumptions and judgments of everyone. Remember that self-love isn’t physical or tangible. It’s about the spiritual being inside of you. It’s an aura that flows off you that others can sense and feel.
My journey may have started just three years ago, but it felt like I have loved myself my entire life. This journey has been incredible. I’ve done things and seen things that the old me would have never imagined. If I went back in time and told the old me about the me today, she would die of shock.
The thing is, you can only understand how to love others when you love yourself. Would you want someone to love your kids the same way that you love yourself today? How do you want to be love? How do you want to love others? Start with yourself first. You are your most important person.
We preach and teach our kids about self love but yet, we condemn adults who has not yet discover it. Never let anyone tell you that it’s selfish to be happy. And if they do, understand they they too haven’t discover it.
