Experimenting & The Paradox of Choices
We all are shit at “some” point of our lives. I’v been there way too many times. I am still shit but the only good thing about it is that I know that I am shit. My level of self realization helps me realize how bad I am at certain things. My fight with my own consciousness stays alive.
I love experimenting things at life.. I once remember I tried fixing the Tv remote control, I somehow opened the screw with the help of a sharp knife. But unfortunately I made things worse and the remote control never worked again… We had to get a new one.
You know that moment in your life where you feel sad after you order that particular food but you wished you could have ordered something else. Or the moment you buy something but regret later that you could have bought something better.. I remember recently taking a road which was so filled with dust and smoke that I was cursing myself for not taking the shortcut. Nobody hates me as much as I do but then this is life. It’s a paradox sometimes.
Knowing your weaknesses helps you focus on your strengths more. I’v learned it the hard way.
We all are shit at “some” point of time.
Have I stopped experimenting. No !!
Actually I am writing after quite some time. I have been writing but I refrained from Publishing.
I will tell you what experiment I did.
I traveled to Kashmir, saw places where my eyes couldn’t believe the beauty. I was totally astonished and my perception was totally immersed in the vicinity of Kashmir. The smell of rain and those mountains are really ecstatic. I experimented in Kashmir, actually it nearly killed me when I tried to swim in running water which nearly swept me away but thanks to one of my uncles who saved me.. Sometimes I get stupid but that’s an old habit I have.
I traveled to Bangalore next where I met my engineering days friends who graduated and were moving back to their native place. I took a break from my writing and every thing I was going through. I felt I moved back 3 years while spending time with friends there. I realized how my perception was 3 years back and how it was now. I realized i was more aware of my thoughts.
I spent two kinds of moments all along .
1) With different people and different perceptions
Travelling gives you access to people who have so much different perspective of life and their life mechanism. I was amazed. More I dealt with people more I was fascinated by this perception thing..
Why are there so many people ?
There are so many perception around us, so many different kind of people and their perceptions and beliefs that they have …
I make sure I learn things from people, I see how they drink their coffee or how they treat others and what they talk to me about them… I really try to understand them and find patterns.
If they are always talking bad about others chances are even they will do the same about you..
How people treat others is how they see the world and act accordingly but yes there are exceptions.
I just try to be honest.
I met some amazing people and some bad people but I try to be smart sometimes aswell.. I learn from both of them and not try to argue unless they are worth it.
2) Second I spent moments alone with myself.
I remember walking the streets of Kashmir talking to myself and looking around and then again focusing on my conscious mind. I kept walking and thinking to myself .. I went to different parks all alone and would keep staring at people. Less did they know that I was just staring at myself.
I would look at the mountains and think about my life or I would look at the lakes and think about how my life flows.. I would look at people and realize that I am so far away from home. I would realize life is a journey and you spend most of your time with yourself and its important to be friends with your own self.
I would look around at the army and think about the terrors of life. And how some people want peace and prosperity in their life…
I didn’t write or read much … all I did was spent time
Even in Bangalore with the room full of my friends, I would be so all alone in my mind that nothing could disturb me.. I was present there but my mind was somewhere else ..
I kept thinking to myself where am I now ?? What did I learn from all this? What if I had stayed in Bangalore and not left college ? What life realization did I have ?
What direction my life would have taken ? Would I be happy ? What if I was not Stupid ?
What if I had not experimented ?
Sometimes I got so afraid that I couldn’t sleep the entire night but at times I would be happy because I was constantly reverting back to myself.
Accepting your shit and also cleaning up your shit is what I try to do.
I learn mostly when I do something wrong because I have never done something right at the first time since childhood. That is why I experiment with my life.
I want to experiment everyday and improve myself and learn and discover and be stupid at times.
I try to accept my flaws and deposit the information to my subconscious and try to improve on that.
There are so many paths we can take in our life. Lucky are those who are able to choose one in their 18s 19s or 20s.. But for people like me who are lost it is not easy to choose one.. I want to keep experimenting in life. It’s ok to be shit for “Some” time.
I started writing as an experiment and this post was also one experiment to check whether I could write or not. I get scared that I would forget things I love in my life.
I want to Experiment everyday !
Sometimes all I do is follow my heart !
So how do you make choices in life.
Do you experiment ?