!!!

Many, if not most, people will be aware that I have long hair.
What most almost certainly won’t be aware of is just how long it is.
That’s because I always have it up in lots of mini-braids/dreads, which shorten it greatly.
When I take it out and wash it, however, it’s over a metre long ¹.
Every eight to twelve weeks, I have to get it re-braided.
Taking it out … never mind getting it re-braided … can take anywhere up to three hours, depending upon whether I’m alone or whether there is some saint-in-waiting there to help me.
It’s a laborious process and you don’t want to know what a nightmare it is to brush it all out afterwards, prior to washing it.
I’m sure you can imagine, therefore, how much of a kick I don’t get out of sitting in the bath, with my hair all around me … like Cousin It’s demented younger brother ² in the middle of a hurricane … slowly turning into a prune, whilst I drag a comb with teeth one nanometre apart through it.
So … it will probably not come as much of a surprise to learn that I am currently devising some entirely new forms of retribution to visit upon the person who gave me fucking headlice!
Suffice it to say that …
… if all I do is chop their arms off at the shoulders and their legs off at the hip … poke out their eyes … ram knitting needles through their ears … sew their lips shut … strap them into a pushchair/buggy … and leave them in the middle of the motorway/freeway at some dark hour … unable to see or hear the vehicle that will end their wretched existence, but all too aware of how close the last eighteen-wheeler came and that it can only be a mater of time … unable even to scream in terror
… it will be because I have since calmed down and decided against the more unpleasant ideas I came up with in the meantime.
There is, however, no guarantee that I will be in that good a mood when the time comes … so I wouldn’t count on my being that compassionate, if I were you.
</just a friendly heads-up>
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¹ That’s over 3' 3" (one yard) to those of you still living in the Stone Age.
² The one even the Adams family is ashamed of and keeps locked in the basement.