BREAKING NEWS — Alexei Sayle Kills Frank Zappa’s Son
They were visiting Elvis in his B52 bomber on the Moon — the one from which he orchestrated the assassination of JFK.
I’ve not always been mad, you know, but um… I was actually driven mad by the indifference of architects and council planners.
You see, I live in a tower block, and um, the thing about those is, there’s terrible noise problems, ’cause there’s no noise insulation at all, you know, and eight floors below you, there’s always some bastard who’s got a Yamaha home organ, you know.
You’re just about to go to sleep and you hear this
“DOOT DOOT! TCH-TCH, DOOT DOOT! TCH-TCH,
ROLL OUT THE BARREL!
DOOT-DOOT, TCH-TCH, DOOT DOOT, TCH-TCH …”
And like, the people who live upstairs from me, I can’t understand what they’re doing, you know. I listen. And all I can hear is this weird noise that goes “Whoom whoom! Blam blam! Whoom whoom! Blam blam!”
It sounds, right, it sounds like two elephants on a motorbike riding round and round, while a seal bangs a kipper on the table!
I went upstairs to complain, and the door was answered by this elephant in a crash helmet!
Standing behind him’s this seal going, “What is it now, Ralph?”
And ever since all my computers, phones, cars, etc. have been called Ralph — you’ll hear me exclaim, in bitter exasperation, several times a day, as various inanimate objects make their intransigent recalcitrance all too apparent … slowing my life to a mind-numbing, spirit-sapping, soul-destroying crawl through treacle as they do so … “Oh, what is it now, Ralph!?”
But, actually, this post is about a job advert I saw.
I suspect they’re looking for a commis chef.
But the advert said they were looking for a ‘commie waiter.’
You can’t help but think of Alexei Sayle, can you?