Facebook is like an abusive partner — no matter how miserable it makes me, or how much time I waste on it, I keep running back to it.
But, actually, I don’t — I weaned myself off it and haven’t even logged in, let alone posted anything, since … ooh … can’t remember now … some time in late 2014.
More people should try it — it’s liberating.
Here’s the problem with Facebook: Consciously or subconsciously, people post to make others envious.
I didn’t … I posted in order to make people feel abused — and put a smile on their faces as I did so.
And informed.
And educated.
And vindictated … by means of a blatently inverse back-handed compliment, if at all possible — wait … has he just insulted me or not?
Feel inferior.
Feel superior.
Amused.
Concerned.
Angry.
Thoughtful.
Cared for.
And at least a little bit … preferably a lot … disturbed and in need of mind bleach — Facebook is just one, long round of intellectual bukake, after all.
I posted in order to remind them that they were alive.
To remind them to stop being spectators in their own lives.
From Big Brother’s fifteen seconds of fame to the filthy cesspool of self-indulgent, onanistic spectacle … car crash culture at the click of a mouse or the press of a send button … that is LJ / Facebook / MySpace / BeBo / Flickr / YouTube / whatever blog you like, it’s all simply a vindication of Debord / McLuhan / Warhol / Marcuse / Bradbury … a cacophonous tsunami of data (not information) overload …
Adopt a Toenail … Rate My Earwax … Number Ones or Number Twos? … Virtual Navel Fluff … I drank so much I barfed on the cat, here’s a photo … ego-wank-porn!
Dear God, the irony of hatebook.com appeared to be so entirely lost on its members that I could’ve cried — we aren’t amusing ourselves to death, we’re boring each other to death!
Is your life dull and uninteresting?
Are you boring?
Then join BeMyFace.com [1], the social networking community for people with nothing to say.
We’ll get someone with talent, flair and imagination to write your blog.
You’ll appear witty, urbane, cultured, educated, intelligent, wild, exotic, exciting and lots, lots more.
In short, you’ll be interesting and impress people.
Stop being a bore!
Get your BeMyFace space today!
Become the person everyone wishes you were!
…
Do you listen to the crazies ranting on the street?
Welcome to Twitter/Facebook/et al.
Facebook, the drug of the nation … breeding ignorance and feeding alienation.
You know those disclaimers you get at the bottom of emails, explaining that the company from which it was sent does not necessarily endorse the content of the email …
Well …
If the opinions expressed in your emails do not correspond with those of your employer, perhaps it’s time you considered a change of employer.
Similarly, my advice to everyone regarding Facebook/Twitter/etc. would be to either get off it altogether … or to mix with a different group of people.
If the people you are ‘friends’ with/following are only posting in order to make you/others envious then … frankly … you need to find some better ‘friends’ and/or people to follow.
A <Delete Friend> button?
If only!
Sadly, however, all it’d achieve would be their removal from my Facebook … not their deletion from my actual life.
</rant>
Sorry about that … I appear to have got a bit excitable.
Still, at least you made me think and … hopefully … so, will I have as a result — feel free to delete it, if you find it inappropriate … I won’t be insulted.
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[1] The real irony of that one is that, years later, it appears someone else either had the self-same idea … or else stole mine from under my nose.
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TL;DR
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Get off Facebook or find better ‘friends’. Not everyone is on there just to make others envious; everyone posts for their own, unique reasons and there are people on it who are worth the time you spend on it — you just need to stop ‘hanging out’ with the wastes of space currently cluttering your feed with inane drivel.
