Geography Lesson

I keep telling you! There’s no such place as ‘outside London.’
It’s a myth … a fairy-tale designed to frighten wayward children ¹ … a land of goblins and dragons and people who walk around on their heads on ‘the other side of the World.’
And even in London, not all of it is habitable — north of the River is a soot-black wilderness … inhabited only by a handful of degenerate, in-bred half-wits who roam the deserted, windswept streets, vainly searching for something to do of an evening … with only dustdevils and tumbleweed for entertainment and the distant howls of their equally socially disenfranchised contemporaries to remind them that they are not alone in their bleak and dreary World. ²
Even south of the River is only habitable up to a point — Wimbledon is about as far south as you wanna go … the Tube ends there.
Yes I know you can go a bit further on the Northern Line, but I saw that documentary by Orson Welles (I think it was called Mean Times) on how, south of Wimbledon, London is full of cannibals (he showed the Mordens eating the Ealings … it was horrific) — so, frankly, you can’t go that far south either!
I hope this clears it up for everyone once and for all!

—
¹ Like Michael Jackson.
² Apart from Camden … the West Berlin of North London.
