Nicely written.
My only criticism would be the the ‘preface’ video.
I’ve seen the story already, so I have preconceptions … and am, almost, impatient for the events that I already know will transpire to do so rather than enjoying the unexpected as the story unfolds.
I’ve also got someone else’s imagery in my head which distracts from your words … from the imagery that would otherwise arise from your words alone.
I think it would be better to point people to it afterwards — a footnote mentioning the source of inspiration … which people can investigate for themselves afterwards … rather than spoonfeeding them a prepackaged deal at either end of it.
As it is, you ejaculate prematurely and shoot your wad right at the start … and I feel it loses impact after seeing the video first — if you really can’t countenance not including it, I’d suggest having it at the end.
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