Oh, okay. So what you are saying, essentially, is you don’t do BDSM because you feel those who do…
Aura Wilming

It’s not entirely feasible, because I do seem to have … or used to have … a habit of falling in Love with the wrong women, sadly … or at least finding myself in relationships that got out of hand … should never have become relationships in the first place — but that’s another story.

But, I’m not in my twenties/thirties any more and have a much better grip on things these days. I’d rather be single and celibate than in an inappropriate relationship or pursuing meaningless liaisons with people for whom I feel nothing … and have been for over the three years now — I don’t sleep around, don’t do one night stands. [1].

And, also, as I said, if she wants to be the dominant one for a while, I‘ll acquiesce … submit, if you will … to her will — for a while at least … no less than she needs if I can possibly manage it but definitely no less than I would insist on/demand/whatever for my own needs.

But I wouldn’t term what I/we get up to in that regard as BDSM anyway — it’s just natural human sexuality, not role-play … organically evolving from the activity of sexual congress, as it were.

So, no … not right.

I engage in both dominant and submissive … alpha and sub-alpha … behaviours on an evolving, moment by moment basis.

It’s just that if her penchant for the submissive is to be ‘dominated’ rather than simply acquiescent then I will insist that she accept my way of being so — she can’t claim to want to be submissive but then insist that she define the terms of her submission … because that’s not submissive … and my terms involve her behaving like an adult [2] — control yourself, woman!

I insist that my equals actually be my equals … that they behave like psychologically well adjusted adults — otherwise I don’t consort with them as equals … because they aren’t my equal.

I’m not into dominating others any more than I am into being dominated; both are immature and unappealing to me — alpha I may be … megalomaniacal, I am not. A bit of rough and tumble during the rough and tumble can be fun … quite literally a roll in the hay/bed/wherever … but there’s no need to overdo it — it’s unhealthy … toxic even.

I don’t know … maybe I’m just misinterpreting your ‘Right’ as sarcastic … “Riiiiiight.”

But I really don’t see what’s so difficult to understand about this … or why my being able to accommodate someone’s needs but insisting that there be compromise when I do so needs to be stuffed into a pigeon-hole in which it doesn’t belong.

I’m not into BDSM … I don’t find people who are arousing even if I find (certain versions of) the look sexy … but I’m prepared to accommodate a version of its essence … a remix, if you will … for those whose leanings are more in that direction than are my own.

That’s really all there is to it.

[1] Those days are behind me.

[2] i.e. we’re not getting stuff out of the dressing-up box … nor anything out of the toy-box … and I’m not Mister Plow.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.