Where Angels Fear
Sep 6, 2018 · 4 min read

Oh, I used to take myself dreadfully seriously … far too much so for anybody’s, least of all my own, good.

But, eventually, time and experience taught me confidence … with which comes the facility to admit to mistakes and to laugh at oneself … and to distance myself from my ideas — my ideas may be wrong but that doesn’t mean I’m ‘wrong’ ¹.

There’s nothing wrong with being serious either; there are times and places for that too and, believe it or not, I engage with serious ideas as well … just not all too often when I‘m here — there are plenty of other people writing far better worded things than I do, so I leave it to them and, instead, try to inject a little humour into the proceedings and make people smile … as often as not at my own expense (if I’m the butt of the joke then nobody need get hurt : )

Also, don’t forget, it’s very possible that I have a latent sadistic streak and poor impulse control — which would explain a great deal of my output, don’t you think?

I’m very seldom satisfied with what, or how, I write and it’s all still a work in progress that I suspect will never end because I’ll never master it — I have moments of inspiration, sure, but mostly it’s insubstantial and inconsequential, poorly executed and it’s a miracle any of it works at all.

But I keep plugging away at it on the basis that, just occasionally, I unearth a gem that was worth the digging.

So, it would be pointless my taking it too seriously, wouldn’t it?

Write in your own voice, not what you think (others think) it ought to be.

I really couldn’t even identify exactly how I write myself; definitely some Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett without a doubt … echoes of Barker and/or Bradbury on the rare occasion … a hint of Robert Rankin … a smidgen/soupçon of Jerome K. Jerome … and a severe Womack influence for good measure. I try to write as I speak, give or take (hence the italics for emphasis), with diversions into ‘style’ (which can only work in the written form) along the way for fun (baroque curlicues, as it were). But somewhere along the line it all went wrong and what I’m left with is this … the way I write — which I‘m told is fairly unique … so, all’s well that ends badly after all, eh?

If you’re stuck for an idea, try writing something in someone else’s voice … an author you like — it’s fun to do, good practice and, with time, the errors you make … the discrepancies that work despite themselves … will become your own style.

If I could pinpoint any kind of starting point, it would probably be the day I tried writing the Bible story of Noah and the Flood in the style of Adams — it was all downhill from there on.

So, there you go … frightful irreverance, poor taste, lack of impulse control, verbal diarrhoea, no idea what I’m doing and a sadomasochistic streak — a winning combination ; D

I also tend to go a bit meta/recursive/self-referential too ²

… and a lot of times my stuff depends upon other things I’ve written before I deliver the punchline — pay attention to the current ‘series’ on cephalopods: it’s an in-joke that probably only I will get, but there are about four more to go before I get to the poor-taste punchline (after which it still won’t make any sense to anyone else).

Oh … and a bit pseudo-wannabe Zen as well — C.f. the above post.

Not to mention a sense of the absurd.

Throw in some Dada.

It also helps to get a bit of perspective and realise that, no matter how perfect you may be …

I̶'̶m̶ you’re not the messiah …

… so, if it does all go wrong, nobody’s really going to be too bothered, so why should you be?

Just follow my lead and you’ll be fine …

Alternatively, you could read stuff by people who know what they’re doing and can actually write ; D

Both Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore and Roy have mastered the art of self-deprecation beautifully — follow their leads and you’ll be a fine writer of humour in no time.

If you want to pursue the more rambling, shaggy dog tale style I engage in … but actually say something worthwhile at the same time … then Robert Cormack’s your man — he’s published too, so he clearly knows how to get it right.

If you want to be subtle about it, but side-splittingly funny, Gutbloom should be your template — he’s the Robert Rankin of Latterday S̶a̶i̶n̶t̶s̶ Sinners.

If you want to be brutally sarcastic (as I often do) then understudy Allan Ishac and Steven Rouach — again, sidesplittingly funny but … ouch!

Whatever you do, don’t be like Stephen M. Tomic … in any way whatsoever; he’s a bad man and he’ll come to a bad end, you mark my words — besides … he doesn’t do satire/sarcasm or shaggy dog tales, so he’d be a useless mentor too.


¹ Just a wrong’un ; D

² I’m up my own arse, in other words ; )

    Where Angels Fear

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    There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die.

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