Republican Retreat Itinerary

As Congressional Republicans head to Philadelphia today for their three-day retreat, the Democratic Whip’s press shop wanted to be sure you had their updated (and by updated, we mean alternative) itinerary.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

1:00 PM: How to Take Health Care Away from 30 Million Americans

2:00 PM: Town Hall Survival Guide: Planning Your Escape Route

3:00 PM: What Women Want: Lower Wages and No Reproductive Choice

4:00PM: When Two Plus Two Equals Five: Working with Alternative Facts

5:00 PM: Twitterspeak: Usage and Interpretation. SAD!

6:00 PM*: Dinner Discussion: Tipping: The New Minimum Wage

*Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s will be served.

7:00 PM: Team Building Exercise: How to Get Along with our President

8:30 PM: Evening Entertainment: Alternative Fact Finding Mission: Is the Liberty Bell REALLY Cracked?


Thursday, January 26, 2017

9:00 AM: Paying for Tax Cuts [NOTE: This session has been canceled.]

10:00 AM: Exploding the Deficit 101

11:00 AM: Navigating the Appropriations Process: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Start Loving Governing Year to Year on a CR

12:00 PM*: Lunch Discussion: Latino Outreach Post-2016 Election

* Taco salad bowls will be served during this session.

2:00 PM: Spin Zone: What to Say When Constituents Ask When Mexico Will Pay for the Wall

3:00 PM: Climate Change: Hoax or Conspiracy?

4:00 PM: America First: Russian Foreign Policy in the 21st Century

5:00 PM: No Tax Returns, No Problem: Keeping Americans In The Dark On Trump’s Foreign Business Interests.

6:00 PM: Executive Branch Oversight: How to Root out Nepotism and Conflicts of Interest [NOTE: This session has been canceled.]

7:00 PM: Keynote Address from President Trump: TBD (Check @realDonaldTrump)

8:30 PM*: Movie Night: “From Russia with Love”

*RSVP not required — we already know if you’re attending or not.


Friday, January 27, 2017

9:00 AM*: Pay Your Nanny’s Payroll Taxes

*This is not a panel. Please use this time to actually pay taxes due for your household employees.

10:00 AM: The Future of Education: Understanding Which Kids Matter and Which Ones Don’t

11:00 AM: Voter Fraud: Not Letting the Facts Get in the Way

12:00PM: Closing Session: The Art of (Not) Governing

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