I‘ve always had the urge to put what I think into words. 1st, onto paper, (remember pencils and pens and paper?), like journals. Usually it was impulsive. An idea, pardon the expression, fart, because none of my ideas were ever worthy of the term, “explosion”. Anyway, when it happened, I would start writing, not really thinking of what the next sentence, or even word would be…. just a kind of free flow. Thank gawd for the computer, because I would get so frustrated not being able to write at a speed to keep up with my thoughts. Usually I wouldn’t be able to read what the hell I wrote!
Today, that noise I heard, FFFFFRT!, has to do with living with pain. I realized that it was all around me. Mostly I used to just write about what I was going through. Why? I guess because I thought if I wrote it out, I could come up with a way of dealing with it. Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Mostly the later. My non-physical pain was of my own making. I’m not forgetting that we can be blameless by saying that my brain chemicals were out of whack. But when true to myself, I can always find where the blame should go.
There came a time when I realized that I needed to not try and have the crazy guy tell me what was wrong, but reach out for another opinion….. be back later.