Tiki Tiki blast on Wiki
“Veneration, is never easy”.
“You may think of it as worship, you may suppose it is about beliefs, maybe as adoration, or perhaps adulation;
“You will, of course, be wrong on all counts.”
“Certainly, we venerate the mug, the original Tiki Coffee Mug, but why?”
The class was quiet, all eyes were on the slow motion of celebrant Makak’s robes, undulating in the slow evening breeze, his flights of fancy mesmerizing.
His calibrated soft voice, trained in the high art of homeomorphism hypnotics, performing its duty flawlessly.
Above and beyond the measured waving of yielding hands, the multi hued horizon of Tiki prime crisp atmosphere provided the magical decor.
As high priests go, celebrant Makak was ‘The’ Grand Master, timing each word, his phrases always arresting, his expressive sentences pregnant with anticipation.
Every intonation an implied doorway to further understanding, the cadence permanently perfect.
At three hundred and seventy six countable years, he was by far the oldest teacher of ‘CMV’ or Coffee Mug Veneration.
Teaching CMV, was a genuine calling for Makak, his profound desire to see these young acolytes becoming true masters of the art, clearly shining as a beacon for all to see.
His mission equaled his passion, his work-his delight, his labor one of love and vocational realization.
The class, seven students, chosen among the top performers of topological mathematics, was at its very beginning, and most crucial stage. For it was well known, that the manner and appreciation of the first moment of exposure to the original coffee mug, determines the apprentices future capability, devotion and mastership.
His deep gaze, penetrating these young minds, was truly a magical performance.
Almost whispering then, his voice warm and rich, he started.
“There was a time, eons ago, when humans, still bound to their biological roots, attached to one single planet, in one lonely solar system, believed that drinking coffee from a mug, was a simple and quite casual pleasure to be performed daily by almost anyone.
“Do not make the mistake however, of thinking that our ancestors did not know of topological isomorphism, for indeed they did. They knew well that only mugs, can sustain continuous deformation and map themselves unto a torus.
“Such mapping, of a mug as topologically equivalent to a torus, without cutting or gluing, breaking or infringing upon its integrity, was a mathematical feat of genius.
“Then came the mugs with two handles, deformed and mapping themselves unto a double torus, what was eventually called the double doughnut experiment.
“Then came the mug with no handles at all, mapping unto a saucer.
“Still, that did not open the doorways to infinity.
“That happened, as we all know, in what was eventually called ‘The Lucky Incident’ to Reginald Santander, the prophet technician. “
Master Makak stood silent for a moment, his eyes wandering upon the landscape of Tiki prime. To the hushed mood of his disciples it seemed as if eternity itself was engulfing him in its warm embrace, which in a strange way, might not have been as far from his feel of immediacy as they imagined.
“The night before ‘The Lucky Incident’,” he resumed “ Reginald Santander was the recipient of what is recounted as ‘a surprise birthday party’ and please remember that no one is really certain what that is or means. The records being lost to us, unfortunately; Nevertheless, we can safely assume that it was some kind of festive ritual in which our ancestors took a particular pleasure.
“According to the archives, Reginald Santander was ceremoniously gifted at that same ‘surprise birthday party’ with the mythical and most magical ‘Tiki Mug’. Meant to be used in certain ‘themed restaurants and bars of doubtful origins’ as drinking vessels for ‘cocktails’. These mysterious ‘cocktails’, were , we believe, a composition beverage or a sacred mélange of distilled concoctions meant to dilute the senses and inebriate the so gifted person. Which, according to the sacred texts is precisely what happened to Reginald Santander. He was, in the words of the book of Coffee Mug Veneration, ‘Totally drunk’!
“As it happens, the next morning, Reginald Santander , still recuperating from his previous night inebriation, brought the magical Tiki Mug to his office, so as to perform, what was called, ‘the secondary ritual of showing off the results of the previous night to your colleagues’ . This is a mystery in and of itself and is covered in your ‘Historical Paradigms, Myths and Mores’ class. For now, suffice it to say, that this secondary ritual was the precursor to the ‘Lucky Incident’.
The Lucky Incident
“’The lucky Incident’, as it came to be called, initiated the great revolution in the understanding of space time configuration, the topology of occasion and subsequently provided the breakthrough into infinity motion, allowing the human race to move freely in all dimensions.
“For though they knew of the equivalent distortion of a mug to a torus, they did not know what happens, when the same mug contains the glorious liquid of hot black coffee, ‘no sugar, no cream’!
Master Makak paused for effect. The tension of his audience looping back to increase his own magnetic recital.
“So when Reginald Santander brought the famed Tiki mug to the mathematics laboratory, no one thought to stop him from using the Tiki mug as a receptacle to his beloved ‘Black Coffee, no sugar ,no cream’, morning ritual.
“And as fortune would have it, our prophet positioned the Tiki Coffee Mug on his desk, just near the homeomorphic simulation apparatus.
“So that when the simulation initiated, the computerized scanner, mistakenly used Santander’s Tiki Coffee Mug, coffee and all, as its foundational mug, to be deformed and mapped upon a torus.
“For a mug containing hot black coffee, being deformed, does not in fact map unto a torus, but is topologically equivalent to the universe itself, mapping itself unto all and everything simultaneously. Opening an infinity of doorways to an infinite universe!”
“That was the moment then, the very crucible, that changed everything forever!”
Celebrant Makak, opened his hands, a shimmering haze appearing in the space between them, the containment field fully energized and glowing, floating in mid air.
And inside the containment field, the original ceramic Tiki Coffee Mug of Reginald Santander, preserved for eternity.
In a jubilant voice, excited again after so many presentations.
“Ladies and gentleman , I give you the original Tiki Coffee Mug!”
“Let us venerate it together, for without it, without the ‘lucky incident’ of Reginald Santander, we would not be sitting here, fifteen millennia later, we would not be here on Tiki prime, ninety seven thousand light years from our original birthplace; A galactic civilization, proud and honored, cultured and peaceful, celebrating the fortune of being heir to the great Tiki Coffee Mug, its magic, opulence and riches.
“That, dear future masters of the great art, is why we venerate the Coffee Mug!”
“Tiki Tiki blast on wiki” he then whispered in deep ecstasy, and gently closed his eyes.