The Miley Cult originated sometime around the beginning of the third millennium.

(The Birth of the Goddess of the Tongue.)

As do many great mythic figures, Miley Cyrus achieved her status unexpectedly. Certainly, her father, “Billy Ray” (see etymology volume for links to lesser epithets of Zeus) achieved some minor notoriety for his mock-sensitive disposition, but his fame was limited mainly to outlying rural populations and those who saw themselves as representative of simpler times and pastoral pursuits. When the daughter began at an early age appearing in the guise of one “Hannah Montana,” a junior figure in the massively popular Mouse Cult, few found the move surprising. Montana was seen as cute, harmless, innocuous, an emblem of a carefree youth, beloved by the people, a natural outgrowth of the popular character of the troubadour father.

Her transformation into the raging emissary of cosmic destruction we know now began as her youth faded. She shed her ties to the Mouse Cult and struck out on her own, producing rituals which, at first, seemed to be mere extensions of her Montana persona. Now, however, known by her true name, “Miley,” her worship began to assume an edge. Miley begins to be represented with fewer and fewer garments. Her hallmark tongue (note the connection to taste) made its first appearance at one of the major annual festivals, in which she also pretended to mate with a male god whose name was quickly lost to history. Subsequently, she broke increasing numbers of social taboos, taking mind-altering drugs in public, displaying her body to all and sundry, and arriving at numerous show trials on a motorized “Green Machine” that emitted colorful clouds of smoke with its own rolling laser-light show—her take on a popular children’s toy.

In short, Miley became a symbol of wanton juvenalia, and her adherents responded in droves. The Cyrenes were known for many things, but mostly for their tongue rituals (protruding tongues, tongue jewelry, consumption of tongues, “sweets,” etc.), their Bacchic celebrations, and their musical tastes, which the uninitiated were (and are) deeply loath to understand (for their part, adherents have always said the drugs are a prerequisite to comprehension of the goddess’s mysteries). After her mysterious death while performing on the International Space Station 2 Sponsored by Schwarzkopf Got2B Stylin’, in which an airlock controversially “malfunctioned” (one of Miley’s rivals, the aged would-be “Madonna,” was near the controls), her renown truly began to, if the reader will pardon the pun, skyrocket.

Thus began the thousand-year reign of one of humanity’s most powerful and lasting deities, a fame which has since spread to the stars that Miley so desperately aimed for in her historical existence. In the fourteen volumes that follow, we shall delve into each of these points in great detail. It will behoove the reader to assume his or her most mature mantle, as many a soul has been known to fall to the seemingly playful siren song of the Most Mighty Miley.

—William C. Reichard, Editor