The Post About the Brexit

Brexit” is a stupid word. Can we all agree on that? You can’t just take two words, shove them together, and assume that the resultant phoneme train wreck assumes the meaning of both. (Unless you’re German, in which case you apparently get to say things like Gesamtkunstwerk on purpose.)

All things being equal, it seems like exiting the EU is about as complex as breaking up with your significant other while fucking them. There’s a lot of moving parts, and someone is bound to end up in the hospital with a very embarrassing injury by the time its all over. So I can understand why people aren’t too keen (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?) on the idea.

Then again, I can’t say that I’m in the camp that thinks something like half of the British population are whiny racists because they don’t like being told what to do by a far-away parliament in Brussels. It’s like taking orders from a vast, bureaucratic, overbearing, sentient vegetable. The overall experience is really depended on how smart the vegetable is, but even in an ideal world is kind of sucks to take orders from kale, even if it is the superest of foods. I can see why a reasonable totally-not-racist person might want to go it alone. Indeed, one can imagine that the overhead on the Maastricht treaty is pretty high, and that taking orders from the EU can be frustrating to say the least. Plus you have to worry about the whole Greece thing every few years — not to mention the migrant crisis.

I’ve seen a couple of videos of Racist Grandparents using that last bit to say some pretty terrible stuff, but I hardly think its fair to suggest that half of Britain wants to leave the EU because they don’t like brown people in the same way that I think its unfair to assume that half of Britain wants to eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon. Maybe — just maybe — its okay to assert that your national identity is more important than trade agreements?

Of course it isn’t, as Tumblr will remind you. TOGETHERNESS, people, is the real virtue. BORDERS ARE BAD. Except of course, when they are with Russia. If I were Vladmir Putin, I would not ever refer to the ongoing slow-motion invasion of Ukraine as a ‘security’ matter, I’d frame it as “Schengen for the East” and make a big deal about how I am “breaking down barriers” and “bringing people together”.

If I said it with a big enough smile, stupid people would probably retweet me.

So I don’t think that a UK exit (some of you are already thinking “UKxit”, an example which lays bare the moral bankruptcy of this kind of wordfucking) from the EU will bring about the dire apocalypse that so many are breathlessly describing. Switzerland seems to do okay on their own and they, like the English, are super into banks. Like, really, really into banks. I can imagine a fantasy Banking League populated purely by Swiss and British nerds moneyfucking in the wonderful world of virtual banality they like banks so much. (Maybe that’s where idea for the Brexit first, uh… spawned?) At the same I don’t really see a compelling case why its worth it to renegotiate countless treaties just to avoid EU regulations, stifling though they might otherwise be.

What I’m saying is that I don’t really care. So, hopefully we can all agree on the stupidity of the word “Brexit” and move on to more pressing matters, like where journalists are finding all of these pictures of David Cameron grimacing in front of a lectern. It’s like they’ve been saving them up for years, just for this. One can imagine the conversation between the staff photography intern and his immediate superior:

“Cameron stepped on a nail today, should we run it on the back page?”

“No, no no — keep that one in the archives until we need Sad Cameron again, like the next time we do a story about pig-fucking.”