I read this post and understand the pain that resonates through many black women; as a lot of my female friends talk to me about a lot of their tribulations. What I do not understand is the choices that many black women make when it comes to these men. I see nothing wrong with dating potential; in many cases, “potential” is not what most black women that go through these issues were initially attracted to. As I conversed with my female friends, it seems as though they are unconsciously determined to find their “type” of guy. The type that is usually inline with negative behaviors like: being blatantly rude (“because its sexy”), using other women to make theirs jealous (“I don't like it but it does make me want him more”), insensitivity (“I don't need a man thats always in in his feelings”), doesnt text/call back in a reasonable time to show interest (“he’s not too thirsty”), etc. I can literally go on and on. I am not sure what initially promoted this yearning for negative ‘bad boy’ traits. Now Im definitely not the ‘good guy’ by any means. I have my own faults, but surely someone had to know that this wasn't going to be sustainable. I am currently in a 3 year relationship, undoing the negative affects and insecurities (as we speak) that these type of desires produce in women, at the hands of some fool who figured “that’s what she wanted”. I can’t say that I have dated any black women who wanted me to be (for lack of better words) an “aint shit nigga”, maybe because my image doesn’t attract those type of women…but I do have many male and female friends that emotionally suffer because of their partner’s ridiculous expectation of worldy ‘bad boy’ / ‘bad girl’ traits, when all they wanted was an honest relationship. I do see this more so with women though, mainly because women dictates the initiation and progression when dating (my opinion). Just wanted to give my little contribution. Good luck sistas, much love.