Stuck in a Rut ..
In every relationship I’ve been in I was a Christian. Always starting out and professing that I wanted to do it the right way, never going in unless I had prayed about it and considered it fully. But I’ve learnt if my heart has believed a lie (is impure on a certain thing) then my actions will follow (Matthew 15:19) regardless of what I know and what I lie to myself, everyone else and God that I want or am pursuing.
My mouth would always say I love Jesus but my heart was so far from Him on this issue (Matthew 15:7–8). After my last relationship and when those real friends who seemed harsh (although some were more compassionate than others *side eye*) started to look more and more like Jesus, I read this book, The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas, on the recommendation of a married sister-friend who knew nothing of my heart disease. It changed everything! God used it to show me what my heart looked like against what He desired in His heart for me. He used the things I learnt to restore my soul so I would not be bitter, angry, resentful etc.
If I really want to honour God in how I live my life I have learnt to ask myself what does my heart really want and how does it compare to what God desires for me, and what JESUS suffered to ensure I could have (if I really wanted it) i.e. Abundant life- life as He designed it.
I got an email recently that reminded me about how different things are when God gives/sends/directs. When God does:
- He addeth no sorrow
- He gives peace (not as the world gives)
- He gives life abundantly — this usually doesn’t look like what we expect- Ephesians 3:20
- He reassures us along the way- This makes us brave!
This applies to relationships. If you are going through cycles of sadness in your relationship or are conflicted over your relationship (sometimes from friends dropping sly hints or outright rejecting your latest boo) then perhaps you have some soul searching and heart surgery to undergo.
Also, if you’ve been in a series of bad/toxic/unhealthy relationships, stuck in bad habits, then the same applies.
I highly recommend “The Sacred Search” by Gary Thomas. I read it just over a year ago, and it has really helped me renew my mind about marriage and relationships in general. It also has some study questions at the end of each chapter that really helped do some much-needed surgery on my failing heart.
One of the things I love the most about God (what I know of him so far) is that He meets me where I am. He never requires me to “come up” but instead to repent: turn away from my nonsense, forsake all: regardless of what others may say or think, and follow Him: Obey! This starts with me realizing where I’m at and being honest with Him about it, letting Him lead me and fix me (Luke 9.23). Let Him take you on a journey of discovering who you were called to be and the type of people who are right for this journey.
Disclaimer!!! If you’re not interested in working out your salvation with fear and trembling. i.e. if you have no strong desire to be more like Jesus, all I have written does not apply