Scattered Thoughts

Hey! It’s been a while. This one might seem a little all over the place, more than normal and that’s probably because it is. This thought is less formulated than what I usually write about, it’s more of a feeling from a point in time, so, here goes nothing.

Words are powerful.

Choosing to use your voice to speak out against something evil is brave but I believe choosing to use your voice to speak about yourself, your own journey, your own perceived failings or weaknesses takes something even greater.

Nobody likes to appear weak and nobody likes to show the cracks forming in their lives. The funny thing is that we all have them and yet people are genuinely surprised to find out when somebody else is going through similar things, myself included.

I sometimes show my old failings, or occasionally I show a glimpse into my life through these blogs but that’s all it is. A glimpse. I never tell you what’s happening now or the stupid things I do or think on a day to day basis. It would take a little extra insight to actually figure out how I am feeling or what is going on but that’s the aim of the social media game we all play.

This isn’t a new concept either. Everybody edits their lives on social media to fit into a mould of what we think a successful adult looks like.

These thoughts have been kicking around in my head for a little while now. I keep picking up my laptop to write something and can never quite find the right/safe/mediocre thing to write about. Something that sounds interesting enough that people THINK I am sharing my life but doesn’t actually give the game away. What exactly is the game? I think deep down we all feel like we are failing sometimes but I guess in my mind the game has become our best efforts to mask any true cracks in our lives with shiny things that say “look over here instead!”.

As I said, I think it’s brave if you can step back from the game and actually ask for help or acknowledge the crack in your life and bravery aside, it’s just sensible! I’m not sensible. I’m not good at telling the truth or asking for help.

Don’t worry, this isn’t a cry for help. Just an attempt to get an idea out on paper in order to make sense of it.

I don’t know… word vomit. You know?

This isn’t quite on point but it feels relevant somehow. There’s a song which keeps popping into my head, you should give it a listen. The words explain something which I am failing to put into text right now.
It explains a weird feeling where we all want to communicate and connect in some way but basically lack the guts to do so.

It explains things I think about every time I’m out in a busy public place and if you like “people watching” I’m sure this will make sense to you.

Anyway lalala lots of thoughts and feelings, none make sense.

Just listen to the freaking song!

Hope you’ve all been well