Mr Ex-Presido


An ex-president while on a long journey by road got hungry, he decided to make a stop at the next town he reaches. On arrival, he located the best restaurant in town and went to have his meal. The name of the exquisite restaurant was “ADG Restaurant. He parked his posh car in the parking lot and went into the restaurant.

He was welcomed by a beautiful waitress as he walked in. His mouth flown agape, stupefied by her beauty as he walked behind her, while she led him to his table walking graciously and briskly. After he was seated at his table, he asked for their special meal of the day. The waitress said they have the perfect meal for him. Mr Ex-presido got excited & told her to serve him the perfect meal.

A couple of minutes later, she returned with “the perfect meal”. He asked her what is the name of the perfect meal & she said “the C-delicacy”. Mr Ex-presido started drooling by having a mere glance at “the C-delicacy”, in his bizarre imagination he thought it really was an exquisite cuisine he was served. In a seductive voice she told him to call on her if he needed anything, anything at all. Just as she was about leaving, Mr Ex-presido called upon her & asked what exactly is “the C-delicacy”, she told him to read the short note on the tray first and he shall find out what the special dish is, when he opens it. Instinctively he opened the dishes before him only to find everything made of cassava, he slowly picked the note and as he began to read it, his face witnessed a sudden transformation as it turned red with fury like a burning coal. Instantly, he started trembling out of rage and yelled at the top of his voice ‘what sort of rubbish is this?’. Are you mad?, he blurred. Do know who I am? I will deal with you.

He was stunned, when he saw the gorgeous waitress walking majestically towards him with a smile on her face. She said; calm down sir. Mr Ex-presido retorted, don’t I look calm to you? Why should I pay for a meal I can’t eat or didn’t eat? This is outrageous! But sir, we are only serving you what you deserve, a befitting dish to honour you. What’s so outrageous in that? I wasn’t aware you had emotions that could be stirred by a mere draconian gesture. You must pay the bills sir and also fines for being a nuisance to our esteemed customers.

I won’t pay a dime! You people are out of your senses I can see. He kicked the table aside as he stood to leave. The enchanting waitress glanced over her left shoulder and two hefty men approached hurriedly. The hefty men (bouncers) told him to pay or be dealt with and if he refuses, he will be searched & have his belongings confiscated. How dare you! With all the witnesses around, do you think you will get away with this? I’m a former president of this damn country miss.

The waitress smiled and in a soothing tone, she said; Oh my dear Mr Ex-presido! Where are the witnesses? I think you are being delusional. These customers here can attest to what happened. You refused to pay for your meal and when urged to do so, you became violent and wanted to flee. She swiftly turned towards the customers and made a gesture with her head in a nod-like manner, they responded using the same gesture. She asked if any of them paid attention to the little melodramatic incident that was taking place and almost everyone gave an acknowledging nod.

Ladies and gentlemen! Please, did we in any way accused him wrongly? In a rant-like manner, everyone said ‘NO’. She said; thank you and gave a coy smile.

As you have heard sir, everyone here bears witness to your shameful act. So, I’ll kindly ask you one more time to get off your high horse and please pay your bills or… Mr Ex-presido froze instantly. He looked around with a frightful gaze. Knowing the odds are against him, he took out his wallet and paid for the bills, biting his lips hard as he does that.

Can I leave now? He asked courteously.

Yes sir! Feel free to do that. Hope we will see you again in the nearest future and thanks for your patronage. He feigned a smile as he made his way to the door, escorted by the two hefty men. In his mind, he kept wishing he had slapped and punched the waitress but then I would have tainted her beauty. She deserves it though.

Just when he was about to exit the restaurant, he was stopped. His heart pounding hard now, he could feel his blood gushing through his veins. What is it now? He asked. Sorry sir, but you haven’t paid the fine for the nuisance/disturbance that you caused to our esteemed customers. How much is it? He asked. A slip of paper was given to him, he bit his lips harder as he read it. Unconsciously, he screamed from the pain that came from the hard bite on his lips.

He paid the fine and made to leave when she called on him again. As he turned, she spoke to him in a whisper-like tone. How does it feel to have the odds against you sir? He was baffled by the questions, shook his head & said; enormously painful.

He hurried out as if he was being chased. One of the doormen was smiling sheepishly as he said; good day sir, do have a pleasant drive. He stopped briefly and gave him a hard stare. He muttered; what on earth is this place? The doorman briefly glanced at the sign-post on his left. Mr Ex-presido followed his glance and read the post out loud in a furious voice “ Anti-Draconian Government Restaurant (ADGR)”. He slowly lowered his glance, unconsciously shaking his head as he approached his car.

On reaching his car, he unlocked the door and was about to enter when he caught a glimpse of three heavily armed guards approaching him. He took a deep breath as a chill thrill went down his spine. In his mind, he thought ‘I’m dead!’. He gasped for more air and more air he got but he still felt short of it. One of the guards handed him a piece of paper which he eagerly collected and they stood in a circle-like poise with their hands akimbo as he read it. Like a schoolboy being bullied, he shivered as he asked them to excuse him while he gets the money from his car. He slowly sat down and reached out to a purse on the passenger’s seat, he took out three thick bunches and handed it to them. One of them retrieved it and another said we will take all for wasting our time. He handed the purse over as fast as he could.

The guards turned to leave, and just then, Mr Ex-presido found his lost courage and spoke boldly to them. How the hell do you expect me to fuel the car? I’m on a journey for God’s sake! One of the guards smiled and told him to shut up or else he might lose his car as well. Then the gorgeous waitress appeared out of the blue and said; it’s a good thing you know “hell” as it might be waiting for you. When you were enforcing your draconian policies, you never cared to know how your subjects might feel or the hardship they might go through. The difference between us is, we are not ‘clueless’, we know exactly what we are doing, unlike you sir. We only took what was ours.

She smiled as she spoke in her whisper-like tone. How does it feel to be a victim of a circumstance which you thought you had a say in but was deprived? Do you feel butterflies in your tummy or boiling rage in your heart? Here you are all powerful and influential but helpless. Guards! Please, escort dear Mr Ex-presido out by throwing him out. Good day sir!

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