Gov. John Kasich and Goat Sex
The big story right now is how Ohio’s Governor John Kasich signed Senate Bill 199 into law. Basically it’s a “guns everywhere” bill — daycare centers, colleges, in your car regardless of where it’s parked, airports except for security areas and on and on. Insert the old saw, “What could possilbly go wrong?”
But amid the hubbub of Kasich’s “guns everywhere” action we’ve all missed his crowning legislative achievement. No it wasn’t his signing the law prohibiting raising Ohio’s minimum wage to $15 an hour. No, It’s wasn’t his signing a bill which prohibits landlords from prohibiting tenants from flying the Ohio state flag. And it wasn’t the law making assisted suicide for the terminally ill a felony. It wasn’t even the 20 week abortion bill. What a guy!
It was Senate Bill 331. That landmark piece of legislation now prohibits chickens from running onto neighboring property.
Rogue chicken spotted on Vorhees Lane in Cincinnati. Call up the untrained college kids to get their guns. Get the nannies from daycare with their AR15s. Turn that sucker into chicken nuggets right on the spot. Who needs the cops?
It also prohibits beastiality.
Ohio wife calls police because their goat’s been getting more of her husband than she has. The woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, told the judge she was even open to threesome but her hubby wanted no part of that. Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!
Seriously, John. Is what a man and a consenting goat do in the privacy of their own bedroom really your business? But turning schools and nurseries into potential killing fields, well that’s a mighty good thing isn’t it?
One of your problems is that you’ve never lost anyone you love to gun violence. Otherwise all that NRA backing would mean diddly to you. Instead the cries of your own law enforcement agencies and gun violence survivors mean diddly. The Ohio Association of Chiefs of Police didn’t want it. The Ohio Prosecuting Attorneys Association didn’t want it. College educators and parents didn’t want it. Guess it was only the NRA. I would say shame on you. But you clearly it’s impossible for you to feel any.
