Five Ways [Not] to Get Fired

No Call No Show — Seriously, it’s a bad idea. You’re on the schedule, you show up. If you’re sick, hurt or other wise incapacitated, make a freaking phone call. A no call no show is a giant flashing neon sign that says “I don’t give a shit about this job.” Not to mention, you not showing up means someone else has to get their ass out of bed on their day off, so even if you don’t get fired there’s still your co-worker’s undying hatred to deal with.

Not following instructions — It doesn’t matter how ridiculous you think it is or how much better you think your way is. Just do what you’re told. I promise you, there is a reason things are done the way they are. Someone with far more experience and knowledge probably thought up the system you’re trying to change. If by some chance you do have a valid improvement, suggest it to your superior. Maybe they’ll say no, maybe they’ll praise you for your ingenuity. Either way, do things the way they are supposed to be done according to your company, despite your opinion, until you’re told not to do them that way anymore.

Speaking of opinions — check yours at the door buster. I mean, there are jobs out there where loudly stating your opinion on politics, who won the game last night and same sex marriage is acceptable, maybe even expected, but chances are you’re not working at one of those. In that case, keep your mouth shut. You can have your opinions, please do, but the work place is not the place to be spouting off about them.

Talking back — To your boss, to your co-workers, to customers. Just don’t do it. I know, I know. It sounds like I’m scolding a sulky teenager, but honestly that’s what you sound like when you talk back. Pretty much everyone in the work place (and you know, generally in life) will respond much better to you finding a respectful way to disagree than if you just mouth off to them.

Being late — Again, you’re screaming “This doesn’t matter to me!” I get you’d rather stay up an extra hour to watch the new Game of Thrones episode, but when you over sleep and end up ten minutes late, don’t be shocked when it lands you in hot water.