I’m the One Living my Life, Thanks

An Inventory of The Good Things

I’ll be twenty five soon, a few more weeks. Sometimes I feel the weight of the world’s expectations pushing down on me so heavily that it’s hard to breath. The illusion that I’m somehow far behind my peers is a prevalent thought in my head.

I stop, I take inventory.

I have a home, a real honest to goodness safe place I can come back to at the end of a long day. On the walls are pictures I took and decorations I chose. The dog that’s not supposed to be sleeping on the couch makes me laugh with his snoring. The lock on the door and the gun by the bed make me feel safe.

I have a family. It might be broken, and it might be unconventional, but it’s strong and it’s loving. On Thanksgiving I get to sit down at a mile long table filled with uncles, cousins, and second cousins. I have fires to sit around and memories to remember. Dysfunction doesn’t stop our love.

I have a passion. Something in my life makes me burn for it. It gives me a purpose. It gives me a drive, something to work for. I was blessed to discover it young and I try my best not to take it for granted.

I have a job. Not only a job, but a job that I adore. A job that isn’t just a job, a job that’s a stepping stone in a career path. It’s an awesome feeling to know where I’m headed, to have an idea what the endgame. The salary of the endgame is just an unintentional bonus.

I have a significant other. I found a wonderful, loving, spectacular man who understands that I don’t need him, I want him. I get to love him, without losing myself. For the very first time in my life I have a healthy, loving, comfortable relationship. He isn’t my life, but he adds to it in ways I appreciate so much. I get love and support and laughter. In him I’ve found the best friend so many other people have failed to be.

It seems like everytime I turn around I’m running into someone I graduated with and they’re getting engaged or having a baby. It can make me feel like I’m behind, like I need to play catch up, but the truth is, my life is perfect for me, which is a good thing because I’m the one who has to live it.