The Odds Were Stacked Against Us
We had no examples of healthy relationships to guide us.
I had no idea what a healthy, loving relationship looked like before I met John.
My parents divorced when I was a year old. My dad’s second marriage (to the woman I grew up with as my step-mom) also ended in divorce. My mom’s subsequent relationship had longevity but I’d grown up wishing it wouldn’t as it was mentally and emotionally abusive.
My maternal grandparents’ marriage ended with my grandpa’s death when I was 9; I felt very close to my grandpa and was deeply affected by his loss. But, I have almost no memories of my grandparents as a married couple and the stories my grandma shared were often tinged with a sense of unhappiness in her married life.
On my dad’s side, my grandma died long before I was born and my grandpa when I was still a toddler. The stories I was told of this union were of another abusive dynamic.
On John’s side, the situation was similar: parents divorced, both sets of grandparents divorced.
In our own lives, our previous relationships were problematic in so many ways. We both felt lucky to have recognized it but were each left only with a sense of what we didn’t want.
