(6) DATING/RELATIONSHIPS in 2016: FROM MY POINT OF VIEW AND EXPERIENCE
Whats good y’all? Hope you’re doing well. I was thinking about my dating life (and dating in general) up through 2016 and I honestly have to say I don’t have bad luck with meeting good women as a whole when I go out. You’re gonna have your bad apples but that’s life — life goes on. Sometimes you find a “Granny Smith” Apple when you’re ‘looking for’ a “red delicious” one, nah mean? It depends on where I am geographically located and the local attitude towards dating: dating in DC is totally different than dating in NC. I believe most people date more than one person and I don’t have a problem with that — just be honest with me because I will be with you. I’m not ashamed of saying so — just meeting people until I find the one for me. I’m entertaining the thought of being with a girl on one side and on the other side, I ain’t found her yet…well, I haven’t met her yet is more accurately expressed. If I have met her im completely oblivious then lol. I believe most women respect that honesty — they say it’s “refreshing”. You wouldn’t think that but I’ve come to realize that I think women are just so tired of being lied to. I think most women understand what the deal is with dating in 2016. When a woman says she’s actively dating I normally come up with a response like: “I’d be dumb as hell to assume otherwise” and they usually laugh. I respect that though. I’d rather you figure your preferences out now while dating than while I’m in a relationship with you.
(TANGENT: You know what I hate? When I compliment a woman and she looks at me stupid. First of all, say “thank you”, second of all, ain’t NO woman that had that reaction in the first place was a woman I wanted to holler at anyways cause they got something else going on. Third of all, ain’t NO woman bad enough for me to have to take attitude off gate because of a genuine compliment — so please move around ✋🏾. I COULDN’T have done nothing to you lol)
Ok, back to what I was sayin’: It’s pretty normal to realize that most of us do/did date more than one person at a time if we take an honest look at our dating lives. Of course there are pros and cons to dating multiple people and dating just 1 person but when you meet someone that you’re really REALLY interested in, it’s like everyone and everything else gets blurry and it just works out, ya know? I would like to continue to meet women around the world and have conversations with women from a lot of different cultural backgrounds to see further about what I want in a potential mate (and to learn more about myself) — when the time is right. I think that’s smart. I hear from a lot of people (married/single, make/female, good situation/bad situation) a lot of the same advice: “take your time”. I’ve gotten different advice from friends overseas that offer me a fresh perspective that’s different from the standard “American perspective”.
When I’m with a woman I try to keep it as if we were 12 years old hanging out: fun and pure. You know what I mean? I try to keep any and all dating “pressures” to a minimum. I don’t pressure women into sex because I honestly enjoy getting to know someone new, whether I’m dating or not, male or female. I really enjoy the female perspective though. Some of my best conversations are with my platonic female friends or with females in general. Oh and for the record: I’d rather it be given to me than for me to try and take it anyways — I’m not thirsty shawty — I got my Gatorade right next to me for that lol. A woman can sense this a mile away and moving too fast can get in the way of learning about a woman’s genuine self — which is what I’m interested in because I’m a genuine person myself.
I like my sports, I like playing flag football, basketball etc on the weekends to get outside and burn off some energy (rain, sleet or snow). We sit inside all week at most of our jobs so this is only plausible. I like my sports on Sunday’s during football season. I like to travel and I like being spontaneous — I hate monotony. It’s not too unheard of for me to do spontaneous shenanigans just for the hell of it like an impromptu beach trip or something just get out of the realm of “normalcy” — I don’t live by too many rules — unlike how I was raised. Maybe that’s why I’m so open now because with so many rules youre bound to keep breaking some of them — not a good experience. I like video games, board games, and intellectual conversation for the mental stimulation. In my opinion, gamer/sports chicks have been some of the coolest chicks for real. If you got an active, good looking gamer chick, go on and wife that. I like to write and I have recently developed a hobby for brushing up on my world history. These are a few things I like to do — notice it’s not all about the booty, even though every one likes the booty from time to time lol🙌🏾😎.
Until someone “shocks me like a taser gun”, I’m gonna be single and it doesn’t mean I’m a “dog” or a “player” either. Sometimes people really need to “put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror” when judging people over something the have probably done themselves — even if they don’t do it now. It can’t be all about sex either — I have WAAAAY too many passions and interests for that to be my main goal. Sure, sex is gonna happen, I’m a intelligent, healthy, attractive heterosexual male, but there’s so much more value to a partner even though sexual compatibility is VERY important to me.
If someone wants to have sex everyday and someone else wants it once a week, there will be problems — trust me. It’s a way for us to connect (no pun intended) with one another in a world that seems to just leave us disconnected. Sex is a natural part of life and that’s why is human’s have an urge to do it — from the pastor all the way up to your dating life. I have heard people say: “well, it’s not gonna matter when you’re 80". Yea true, but name a sexless marriage that lasts til 80 without it? I’ll wait….⏳⌛️⏳⌛️. It’s funny how sexual intimacy gets downplayed yet it’s the way 95% of people cheat (physically)…the other 5% is emotionally cheating…ok maybe like an 80–20 ratio.
I’m also thinking I’m a little cautious as well because I haven’t had as many positive examples of relationships (growing up or around me) in my life and anyone who dates me is going to have to understand that and be patient — what’s the rush???I’m a great partner (and once I’m in, I’m in) but I’m not going to rush into anything because of this fact. Is it fear?? Maybe a little — I think its moreso about making sure its the right person — thats SO important. I don’t want my actions now to negatively affect my life down the road and I have done a fairly good job of doing this thus far.
How do I know I’m a good partner? Well, I normally get “that text” from past flames about how I left a good impression — even if it’s years down the road…and that feels good. I’m not a really petty person so no matter what happens, I think it’s a really good thing to leave a positive impression on the girl and the family, if you’ve met them. Sometimes you can’t help that (because she’s in their family — that’s cool) but at least I can try. Sometimes it takes time for emotions to cool down and I am smart enough to know that if something doesn’t work out, it takes “two to tango”.
So yea…I take my time because of the previous and I have also learned that when you “rush in, you rush out”. Another thing: quite frankly, breakups suck…no matter if you’re on the “losing end” or “winning end” — -that is you got dumped or you dumped the other person. I’ve been dumped before, I ain’t afraid to admit it — but some of the reasons were just dumb lol. Some hit me with the “it’s not you, its me” shit and I looked at her stupid as hell like: “Really?? How old are we?” And then peace out amicably😂😂. I’ve even gotten: “things were going too perfect”. To this day I still don’t get that one. I’d rather a chick tell me she likes someone else (or just wants to be single and do her thang) than to insult my intelligence. Hey, sometimes we just wanna be single you know? Don’t get too much on your high horse cause you dumped me cuz there are millions of good women out here, shawty — I will not be inviting “pity” to the party”…trust me lol.
Let’s keep it real tho: a chick may seem to move on faster due to guys coming up to her but she has a higher chance of getting her head fucked up mentally in the long run because of this “convenient attention” and because she got more rebounds than dennis rodman in his prime. That is, most women don’t know how to be by themselves long enough to heal properly and wonder why she doesn’t trust like she should. I know I don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy because a relationship isn’t the only part of my life, and I believe that you have to be whole before you get into a relationship that will have longevity. What better way to get whole than to be by yourself and explore you for a while? Because when you’re with someone, you’re not really all you, and he’s not really all him — you’re a team. At least you have a higher chance of not losing your identity if you have this in order, I’ve learned. Now as guys go, he may act like he’s not hurting but trust me, we hurt just as bad. The toughest part of it to me (after blocking out that they are gonna be eventually intimate with someone else — which I don’t spend too much time on to be honest…just a little selfish sting) is that you lose a great friend most of the time and I’m sure I’m not the only one when I say I’m tired of losing significant people in my life over nonsense, so that’s another reason I go really slow. I’m not the guy who’s gonna be hanging out with my ex’s new boyfriend n shit — fuck thaaaaat lol. Ain’t nothing personal but sorry shawty, our time is done for the time being and I’m not gonna be around for you to play both sides of the fence or to get an “ego boost”. If there is a friendship later on, there’s gotta be some time in between.
Now when you don’t have a positive view of relationships and marriages growing up, it can affect how you feel about being with someone — or trust. There are plenty of marriages where one or both spouses are not being faithful so just because you’re married doesn’t mean shit — don’t get it twisted…I hear about that shit too out here — which makes me all the more cautious.
On one hand, I know cheating is not right but on the other hand, I understand people have their reasons, you know? Something is lacking. Nothing just happens in life. I hear too often women trying to control men by withholding sex. I’ll say this: if you play that game, don’t be mad if he gets it somewhere else, just sayin’.
**If we are together/married, and we stop being intimate(without a legitimate reason), it is NO LONGER a relationship because chances are if you’re in a relationship where things were good, and they atopped without a conversation — someone’s doing some “extracurricular activities”. And 80% of girls agree with the “no intimacy, no relationship” statement, because when a woman is intimate with you, she’s notmally really into you — unless you made some other arrangement. Most women equate sex to some sort of emotional attachment or investment, which means if sex stops, shes invested somewhere else — red flag. I dont care HOW youre putting it down in the bedroom, she’s aloof.
Same goes for the guys, if you keep stepping out, she’s gonna do the same eventually. The funny thing is, the person who cheats, cheats normally with a lesser attractive person who just showed more attention and admiration for whatever reason. I ain’t saying it’s right but it is what it is — I’m looking at the catalysts here. There are relationships in which people are faithful too — so good for you. We all know cheating is wrong but yet why is it so prevalent? I think one of the factors is because people struggle with the importance of having your own life and being in their partner’s life.
And that’s another thing about marriages — we can’t expect one person to ever be our “everything”. We have to have realistic expectations.
There are relationships in which people are faithful too — so applause👏🏾👏🏾. We all know cheating is wrong but yet why is it so prevalent? 2/3 marriages are unfaithful and I think one of the factors is because people struggle with the importance of having your own life and being in their partner’s life and feel trapped at times — another story for another day.
I never deceive any woman I’m with — I’m always honest. I’m actually a great boyfriend when I am one mostly because I am thoughtful…that’s for a small percentage of women because not everyone gets to be my girlfriend — she has to be extra special to me. Not to say that women I have dated haven’t been special but I mean “on a different level” special. I have spend way more time single because of this and I am NOT complaining. I also go with the flow because sometimes people don’t want a relationship — or they find out you’re not what they are looking for long term and I’m TOTALLY COOL with that. I already told y’all I’m on the fence between being single and wanting a gf.
With that said, if something is too personal, and has no relevance, I just won’t answer — some things are better left unsaid for the sake of not fucking things up in the beginning. For example, I NEVER ask a girl how many men she’s been with — I DON’T CARE lol. She’s probably gonna lie to you anyways for fear of being labeled and you’ll never know the truth for certain so why ask? That’s the most pointless question in the dating game.
Now that I think about it, in my experience, the women who are more reserved probably have been more sexually experienced and the women who are not we’re not as experienced. Even though I made this observation, I understand that we all meet people until we find the one for us, so do you! That’s your business!
I possess a lot of positive qualities: I can talk about ANYHING, I’m honest (sometimes too much but 95% of women say it’s refreshing — kinda sad if you think about it…why should it have to be refreshing in the first place?🤔), attractive, smart, passionate, confident (because I can be open and don’t live a fear-based life), ambitious, funny, I can have fun in just about any situation (if you’ve hung out with me you know this lol), becoming more cultured, etc…all the things most women confident women want. I get along with most people but I am coming to understand that I don’t really get along with women who have “ulterior motives” (because I can see right through that shit and it comes across as shady and I end up naturally exposing that motive quickly lol), women who are too judgmental — not to be confused with being opinionated (because I like open-minded and cultured women who know things about the world and are patient enough to try to understand where people are coming from and to try to teach me shit that’s plausible and that actually matters). I dont have a problem being open because I know someone has seen and experienced what I say and what I talk about because I am a human being on planet earth just like everyone else…and also because people come up to me and tell me in the street. I appreciate that. Who doesn’t like a little added motivation?
I don’t last long with women who aren’t confident (because some things I say will be viewed as an “attack” rather than from a genuine place of intelligence and they will feel the need to be vindictive and now we are in psychological warfare). Also, I’ve noticed that they will try to “put me down” (knock me down a peg) and I’m not for that petty shit — that’s not my style. I had a women say: “you’re stealing my light”….this threw me for so many question marks, I thought I was mario in mario brothers. Also, unconfident women will, in my opinion, be more sensitive and closed off rather than being understanding and open and I can’t date women who are not open to new things/opinions as well — even if they choose to have a differing opinion. I like to be free and experience all that life has to offer and I do say some things that are out there but they are said with a “comedian’s mouth piece” and that’s not for everybody. A woman who is too religious probably isn’t for me — even though some spiritual background is a plus. Discipline is never a bad thing. We could all be more disciplined but I don’t want a female changing who I am — I hate that…the world tries to make everyone the same as it is.
I believe if you’re trying to get to know someone, in whatever way, you should enjoy the process and not thinking about what you can get from someone and I think this is what the dating game has fucked up — on both sides.
Growing up, I also understood, at a young age, some of the reasons that women have kids that may have not be particularly healthy. Some women have kids because they want someone to love them, some women want to be a mother, some women just want to enjoy the experience, some have some because of the pressure of family/society, etc. But kids take a lot of time and energy — more than most of us have. My reason for having kids will be nothing short of that I want to have the experience — and it has to be with the right woman for me. I’m happy I have my “stand up guy” personality because it keeps me from wasting a lot of time with women who don’t like me for me— the ultimate litmus test.
You won’t see me having kids because I feel I’m getting “old”, or anything else. I think that’s a terrible reason to have kids. The truth is, not everyone is meant to have kids nor is able to handle having kids and with the way the world is, raising kids is harder than ever. I see parents be 2 milliseconds from snapping on their kids lol. Kids require a village as the quote says. I don’t know how single parents make it with 2/3 kids— I commend you for real — bravo. I also understand that not everything ends up the way you want them to and I saw a lot of that side of things growing up more than the positive.
Naturally if a woman is the head of the household, or the “man and the woman”, she has to probably be more masculine, in my opinion. That person has to be the mother and the father. I am not attracted to masculine women. I do like female athletes but that’s as far as I go — they still have to be feminine.
My patience and cautiousness in dating has been solely concentrated on one thing — breaking the “cycle” if you will. I want to break that cycle — in my own way. If I’m not at least 99% sure, I’m not having a kid by that woman or being with her. The good thing about taking your time is that you get a great grasp of what you like, what you are compatible with and what you can tolerate. I don’t think most people give themselves time to figure this stuff out.
I have dated around the world and I have noticed a difference in dating in a city like DC, vs dating in my hometown, vs dating other places. There is a difference in mentality. In DC, its a lot of importance about money and “what do you do?” and I’m not cool with that as far as the dating game. DC changes people — I call it the virus. I find that once you go outside of DC into Maryland, the dating becomes more grounded. Now a positive thing about DC women is that they are VERY smart and cultured and are very in shape and good looking. I’m not saying there aren’t good women in DC but from my experience and from speaking with other men, I don’t think I’ll seriously date in DC anymore because of this.
Overseas women and well traveled women, from my experience, have been more cultured, grounded and confident. They are just as beautiful and smart as the women in DC. Downside is that there may be a language barrier or cultural barrier, such as they may not get some of your sarcasm right away. That handles itself in time.
I am attracted to a woman who is down to earth and who can enjoy all that life has to offer. I like women with personality — she can’t be a “bad bitch” and that’s it lol. Too much of that going around nowadays. I like women who are as funny as I am — I don’t want to be the only one with the humor. A woman who doesn’t have to exclusively use her body to get attention.
With this said, I honestly believe that there are more good women out here than bad — people are just misunderstood and life pulls us in so many directions as it is. Timing is everything. Someone can be PERFECT for you but the timing isn’t right. You can be in love with someone and not be compatible — this one hurts a lot because it probably won’t last.
Dating today is as hard as it’s ever been with so many options (being overly stimulated) but in the same breath, it’s more convenient to find love as well. You can date online, you can travel wherever you want and there seems to be someone reasonable to have companionship with.
Aight y’all I’m out. Hope you enjoyed this and I hope you’ve learned something or felt something. I can only speak for the things that I’ve been through. Until next time…
Stay real, stay open and don’t stop loving love. ✌🏾️