Parenting Your Parents- Is It Really Possible?
Didn’t we all grow up hearing “You’ll understand how I feel once you will be in our position” from our parents, grandparents, and guardians? Well, let me break it to you, you understand what it is like earlier than that, when you are still a kid to your parents but due to the reality of life, they keep getting old. Just like your parents see you grow up and turn into a new version of yourself, the same happens to our parents too as they grow older with us. They process the truth, accept and keep moving just like others, in the pursuit of the unknown as we all don’t know what is coming. The question is — with all the conflict of thoughts, will we ever be able to actually help our parents grow older with ease? By sharing our life lessons with them in a world that keeps on changing constantly?
Are you also another kid who is tired of feeling misunderstood at your home? Do you get into arguments with your parents on almost every topic because you guys just can’t agree on anything really even though you have love and respect for their wisdom and struggles? Does seeing your parents get old make you worried because no matter how much you try to offer them help, they refuse it because they never learned to share their struggles? Well then, first — I am proud of you for being so considerate and two, don’t worry, you are definitely not alone in this and it’s just a part of adulting. If you are someone who is looking for just an answer to the question that brought you here then, let’s just accept with each others’ help that it is not possible. Come on, deep down, you knew this too well already. You can’t help someone who doesn’t need your help so it is what it is really. But listen, it is still hard, right? It makes you feel helpless and useless so let’s just dive a little deeper because no one else is really willing to talk about it but if we don’t, we all might lose our sanity!
People don’t like to accept that they can dislike or disagree with someone they are supposed to be so close to but the truth is that: Conflicts of thought are going to happen and you can’t prevent it. You can only communicate about it by staying calm. Now, your trying to parent your parents also comes from how you were raised as a child and maybe even what you lacked in your childhood which makes the problem so much deeper and dangerous than it seems. With age, you become wiser but it comes with consequences. Like what, you wonder? One learns about oneself and life better and has an understanding of emotions and the mind to make better decisions. However, different surveys show different statistics. Some say that we become mentally stable and mature from the age of 13 to 25 and some suggest that it keeps getting better till we turn 75. The point is, when different generations go through life together in just one phase, it can be hard and exhausting for all to agree on common ground if there’s no understanding. But the presence of a sense of empathy towards one another and respect for each other’s experiences is what keeps us going and we can’t deny that this requires effort.
When the responsibility just hits you, it can be hard to cope with it. To accept that you can’t interrupt the aging process, neither you can escape the parentification if being a caregiver is what gives your heart true satisfaction. For some people, it is not a choice. I mean — people do abandon their parents as they grow old but that’s another scenario. You’re not really obliged to do it but we are not even talking about providing your parents financially, this is about supporting and connecting with them on a greater emotional level that you weren’t able to attain before because you were a ‘kid’. But here’s a deal breaker: You are still a kid for them and they still think they know better because they have had more experiences than you! This is true in some cases until your parent is like really emotionally immature.
If you are gonna think that you will “teach” your parents something better, you can but if you think you can convince them to live life according to your terms then that might be rarely possible because they are also individuals with their mentality that they have developed through past years. So, make peace with the process and communicate when it gets too much because not them and neither do you deserve to tolerate anything that is resulting from trauma that you didn’t even initiate in the first place. And the key to understanding is looking at your parents as adults moving towards their old age and not just the people who are obliged to take up your responsibility because they bought you in this world. You needed them to teach you the most basic activities like walking and talking so it’s time for you to support your parents in a way they need as they enter a eneter a new phase of life that’s causing so many changes within themselves and their surroundings.
