What One Year In College Has Taught Me

I am making this draft on March 20th, 2023, and March 24th, 2022 is the day when I shifted to a new city to pursue my higher education. I am currently in my second year, 4th semester which will end in May and this has been haunting me because if there’s one lesson that surrounds me and rings itself that university has taught me is that when you’re young, things are different. You have the space to make mistakes and learn from them and this won’t stay the same forever which is also, of course, important too. So, let’s unfold a lot more as we go talk about this through the medium of my journey.

Let’s Begin!

When you start college, straight out of school — it can be a roller coaster ride. For some, it might be hard to leave their parents, some might struggle with making friends or adjusting to a new place that’s not their home and some might make big mistakes under the wrong influence. The point is that it is different for everyone and the reason why I won’t talk about my story and struggles here is that it will be just one way of looking at things, just one person’s point of view, and just one story among many. At first, I thought it would be good because some people will be able to relate to some aspects of it but after all, I am also a 2nd-year university student who has second thoughts all the time. I am not perfect or have flourishing life as they show in movies. This really is coming from someone who is living an average life and has made some observations that she can’t keep just to herself.

Making Yourself At “Home”

“Home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling” really is true because you never get it ready-made, you have to put the effort in and make a place your place. After spending more or less than 18 years of your life in a safe space, where everything was provided to you and where you were always taken care of — when you step out, you learn a lot about yourself and the real world. How you always can’t get what you want just by screaming “mom” and how you’ve to manage some things on your own instead of relying on your dad is a reality check that helps you settle and exist individually. However, it doesn’t get as lonely as it sounds. You make friends who become family and you live with people by adjusting and understanding a little every day with the people that you’ve never lived with before.

When you’re happy with yourself, you can stay content pretty much everywhere unless you are surrounded by terrible people. A lesson that I have learned and that I live by is: Have boundaries and make people respect them. When you live with your “friends”, it’s hard to have your own safe space and work on your goals so for building this understanding that you have to have your fun but also, live with some discipline as you are here (well, most of you) to achieve a goal or figure things out about your future. It all starts with setting boundaries, making people aware of them, and making sure they respect them. It doesn’t matter if it starts with the simplest of activities like — asking your roommate to dim the lights when you are taking a power nap, having your space to process your thoughts and emotions without anyone interrupting and everybody checking out of your room at night when it’s your time to study.

It is just extremely important to be surrounded by the right people where you are living so work on building that kind of trust with them and if you find someone shady, make sure you filter them out and don’t let them poison your life in any way. And when somebody is too mean to you for no reason at all, just ask yourself: “Do they matter to me?”. If that’s a yes, then talk and fix things but if they don’t matter enough, move on because you will find plenty of better people out there and you don’t have to pick the wrong ones just out of loneliness. And always stay away from unnecessary drama, and don’t get involved as here’s a reminder: You are here for a very short time and the university is even a shorter part of it so make sure that you make the most out of it in a good way as you will think about this time a lot once it will be long gone.

This Isn’t The Same As School

Do you know how everything is spoon-fed or at least served to you when you are in school? Well, be ready for days when you will be given exams, assignments, and presentations in a week with a load of the syllabus to study from, with very less clue on what exactly you are supposed to study while suppressing your mental breakdowns because you don’t even have time to take proper meals. But this isn’t how it is supposed to be, I can blame our education system but since that won’t change anything then, we should accompany ourselves with the right habits of studying as it is one of the major reasons why we are here, right? For the sake of our degrees.

The biggest mistake that students make is avoiding classes because if you have to get a certain amount of attendance to be able to attend the exams, there’s no reason to bunk and dug your own grave. Second, if the professor genuinely enjoys teaching then you will know and if you pay close attention, your class notes will help you gain a lot of clarity. And last, no friend or YouTube video can help you as much as your self-study. Take guidance from others but also, be hardworking enough to implement it.

And here’s some extra advice because I know a lot of people who aren’t sure of why they are pursuing a specific degree so for them, here it goes: College can be a great place to figure out what exactly you enjoy the most or develop a healthy coping mechanism to deal with their reality, or follow your passion, or make your side hustle a priority, or become any version of you that you want at your pace if you are willing to get out of your comfort zone a little (but hey! Don’t exhaust yourself and make sure you take frequent breaks because you deserve if you are constantly putting in the effort to improve yourself).

Everybody Needs Somebody

But do you? I think I am still not the best person to speak on this but still, but I have observed that I would like to mention if not anything else. College allows you to explore and get exposed to a lot of people’s opinions and perspectives. Now, this might help you or affect you but the choice always remains yours. It can be hard to put yourself out there while trying to make friends with strangers but eventually, you do find people that you can have honest conversations with, have parties with, and even your group study sessions. What I think that you shouldn’t ever do is (even in life in general) rely on someone for all aspects of your life because in college, people will help you make memories, and gain new experiences and they might also fade away and teach you a lesson but it all comes down to how you take it.

Instead of focusing on pleasing people or changing yourself, your motive should be to find the people who you can relate with or even people who help you push your boundaries(not manipulate you into doing it!) and introduce you to something new. And you don’t even have to “find” them, don’t go out “looking for” friends and relationships because you can’t force or fake these feelings but make sure you allow yourself when it comes to you. Download that dating app, go to that random meet-up of your club members, and send that connection request on LinkedIn and you will have people to look up to, hang out with and even cry when it gets too much.

Experiencing The World Out Of Your Parents’ Guidance

The college has to be the best place to step out of your parents’ roof and guidance, form your judgment of things, and make your own decisions. Now, in this process, you will also learn to lie to them because you don’t want them worrying about you but it’s not that bad if you are willing to take responsibility for your actions. It all comes down to how much you can handle without their involvement and this is a stepping stone to you getting used to making your decisions on your own.

If you create trouble, deal with the consequences and if you got into trouble without your fault, deal with the consequences that it will lead to, all on your own. Because first, when parents send their kids out for college, they are sending a piece of their heart away so understand that it’s hard for them too. And second, they have some expectations that you can easily achieve like keeping your room clean, attending enough classes, taking proper meals, and not betraying them behind their back when they have invested their emotions and money in you. It is the bare minimum that you can do and rest can be assured by staying in touch with them, communicating your thoughts to them, building an understanding or at least having a common ground where you guys all agree and keep visiting them once in a while. It is just the little things that sustain their trust in you so you can live peacefully here.

Here For Achieving Something Or Wasting Your Time?

The answer to the above question is your call. You are always going to have friends who will ask you to skip your study routine and smoke weed with them or people will provoke you to give up a few hours before your exam but the point is that nobody knows you better than yourself so know your limits and make sure you don’t exhaust yourself in the process. Now, think to yourself: “Why did you choose this particular degree that you are pursuing? Why exactly are you here in this college?” and once you have your answer, act accordingly. If you are here just for fun, I hope you figure things out eventually and get something to do and if you have plans and ambitions that you would like to achieve, make sure you plan and implement them. And remember, you can’t do everything at once and the things that are going to take their time will do so. So, have patience and continue putting the hard work in.

College exposes you to a lot of opportunities and experiences so it is easy to get lost and give in to chaos but two mantras have kept me sane are:

1. When in trouble, remember that nobody really gives a fuck and people eventually forget about everything that happens. This doesn’t mean that you will repeat your mistakes, the point is that you learn and move on to better things.
2. Your top priority should be you, your goals, and your choices. You stand on your ground without comparing yourself with anyone, while not settling for the bare minimum.

Just remember to have fun! And hey, if you are having too much fun, get a hold of yourself because you are here for a very short period and I am sure you want to make the most out of it.

-Just another struggling college student, Muskan Purohit